This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Thursday, 14 June 2018

Ten little cardinals

Ten little cardinals... or which one became Pope?


"Don't worry, you can lose weight by dancing with the Rockettes."

Ten little cardinals going out to dine;
One ate far too much and then there were nine.


"Nighty-night, Eccles baby! I love you."

Nine little cardinals sat up very late;
One said "Nighty-night!" and then there were eight.


"Never offend people by mentioning Catholic teaching, that's my motto!"

Eight little cardinals defending Alfie Evans;
One wasn't keen on this, and then there were seven.


"Fiddling? No, I'm a pianist."

Seven little cardinals playing dirty tricks;
One rigged a synod and then there were six.


"Hello, everyone, I've escaped again!"

Six little cardinals keeping faith alive;
One preferred to change it all, and then there were five.


"One of these days I really must get round to correcting Pope Francis."

Five little cardinals studied canon law;
One asked some Dubia and then there were four.


"Money makes the world go round. That's in the Bible somewhere."

Four little cardinals on a spending spree;
One made all the money go, and then there were three.


"I can't see any problems with the James Martin approach."

Three little cardinals building bridges new;
One asked James Martin’s help, and then there were two.


"Lutheran? Catholic? Who cares if they pay their Church Tax?"

Two little cardinals at Communion;
One joined the Protestants, and then there was one.


"Oh no, what's Pope Francis up to now?"

One little cardinal left silent and alone;
He became the next pope and then there were none.


  1. "Ten little(!?) cardinals": What about the first one - Timothy Dolan?

    I always wondered about the meaning of “detestable enormities” in the petition from the litany in the Anglican Book of Common Prayer composed by the arch-heretic Abp. Cranmer and issued in the name of King Edward VI (but later removed – the petition not the litany – by Queen Elizabeth): “From the tyranny of the Bishop of Rome and all his detestable enormities, Good Lord, deliver us”: It refers to the Pope’s fat Cardinals such as His Immensity, Tiny Tim!

  2. As someone once said, elect a clown and the circus follows.

  3. Commentary on @BruvverEccles 10 cardinals. No American will ever be Pope, @Pontifex only appoints his ideological clones and the College will be his post-mortem rubber-stamp, not to mention @Card_R_Sarah is too popular with the laity to ever be Pope.

  4. Superb as ever bruvver! The soul shudders at the thought of cupich,vinny or rhino marx ascending the throne of Peter,in fact I think I've just brought up my dinner picturing any of the three stooges in white!

  5. With the decline showing no sign of slowing down, I wouldn't be surprised if the next conclave will have as qualifying electors the Dalai Lama, the Grand Mufti of Cairo, his more personable western equivalent, the Humble Mufti of Canterbury, Bono and Martina Navratilova. The God of Surprises ain't done just yet.

    1. perhaps the "Bishop" of London?

    2. A prudent choice! If there are any recognisably catholic cardinals by the time the next conclave comes around, they may go into shock when No.267 is finally announced so it would be handy to have a nurse close by to render immediate first aid.