This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Thursday 31 January 2019

King Herod claims to care for children


King Herod the Great

King Herod of Judaea has hit back strongly against claims that his policy of killing all children under the age of two years old could be described as barbarous, inhuman, or simply murderous. In a tweet that set the record straight in no uncertain terms he said:


In previous comments, Herod had explained that his child-killing policy was totally humane, and that the infants in question would be kept comfortable as they went to their deaths.

"I love children," he went on. "Why I have two myself!"

"Four, your Majesty."

"Oh, really? Well, it's hard to keep track of these things."

Although mass murder of children was originally supposed to be "safe, legal and rare", it is now increasingly seen as a policy that saves time and energy for everyone.

Elsewhere in Judaea, Governor Quasimodo has eagerly embraced the policy of caring, loving, considerate and sympathetic infanticide. We attempted to contact High Priest Dolittle for a comment on this, bur he was out to lunch and not expected back for six hours.

Cuomo and Dolan

"Can you remind me? Are we for or against abortion?"


  1. Abortionists really aren't needed anymore. Let the mother do the work. Give birth and leave the baby to die. But my guess is that the baby won't die until they carve it up for its fresh living body parts to sell. Gee - the poor mother. She does all the work for free while others make pots of money from her baby's body parts. There ought to be a law against that (sarc).

  2. Eccles, well-said, sad but true. Dolittle Dolan is NYC's Hamlet of Broadway: To excommunicate or not to, what was the question?

  3. Abortion. Reaching into the womb to kill children. A hard rain is going to fall.