This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Thursday, 9 April 2020

New Commission to investigate Women Deacons

Pope Francis has created a new commission to study the possible ordination of women as deacons in the Catholic Church. As a service to our readers, we present a guide to some of the great minds who will be taking part in this Commission for Feminist Theology.

Dr Morgan le Fay - a veteran British theologian and lecturer on practical sexual studies.

The Foul Hag Sycorax - mother of Cardinal Caliban. Ms Sycorax is believed to have the largest collection of Pachamama statues outside the Vatican, most of which have spirits trapped inside them. Writing a biography of Austen Ivereigh.

Weird Sister One - a representative of the Blasted Heath Coven Convent. Intends to use "Eye of Newt, Toe of Frog" theology to bring in women deacons.

Three witches

"Hail, Lady Macbeth, thou shalt be Pope hereafter!"

Dame Circe - an uncompromising feminist theologian from Greece who thinks that all men are pigs.

Prof. Minerva McGonagall - professor of Slightly Catholic Studies at Roehampton University.

Mother Grimm - part of the "cannibalism theology" wing of the Catholic Church. Worships in a gingerbread chapel. Holds a doctorate in Gelato Studies from the University of Villanova.

gingerbread house

Mother Grimm's Gingerbread Chapel.

The Bride of Dracula - an aristocratic touch is brought to the commission by its inclusion of this Transylvanian Countess, who is believed to be a major stake-holder.

Mrs Black, also known as the Wicked Queen - the implacable enemy of Sister "Snow" White ever since a memorable debate at Notre Dame University.

Mrs Black

Cackles evilly.

Jadis - a representative from the Anglican church. Author of the treatise, Was Aslan a woman?

The Wicked Witch of the West - widely believed to be transgendered. A close friend of Fr James Martin SJ.

Wicked witch of the West

Ms W.W.O.T. West promises to bring a "new broom" to the Catholic Church.


  1. "Jadis refers to those who oppose women deacons as 'deplorables'".

    Jadis: I was misquoted. What I said was: I have just one word for those who oppose women deacons and it's deplorable.

  2. Ha ha ha hilarious. Sharing in 3..2..1

  3. Very good Eccles, and as I have just returned to the land of the living from spending two hours recalling the trolling of Margaret Butterworth, an Australian harridan who is well and truly harridone (according to the wit of the priest who proof-read my blogpost before I published it a short while ago). You will remember my mention of this Pell-hating bigot in a comment on your post about the Goode and Holie Cardinal Pell? Well I think, on this on occasion you might allow me the liberty of posting a direct link from the comment section here, and I would welcome your approval of the post. Somebody just emailed me and said kind words about the power of it, but I said it really wrote itself, just thinking of the Poore and Lonelie cardinal in prison, and how long he will take to get over it now he is out. I will write something different to the Kinde and True cardinal himself, for he doesn't need any reminding of the foul deeds done against him by people like Butterworth, who reminds me... (Oh wait!) ...of anti-Moli. I wonder?

  4. Minerva McGonagall, Slightly Catholic studies lol! And Dracula's Bride being a stake holder was a touch of genius.
    Nowt will come of this. God protected Pope Francis from doing anything stupid with the Amazon Synod. I honestly was prepared for the worst with that, but the Holy Spirit didn't let him.

  5. I thought that you were going to stop satirizing pope-papamaccha due to his support for Eccles reinstatement on twitter.

  6. Monsieur Eccles, have you heard of the new task-force to takle the Coronavirus, lead by Argentine Zampimi? The church looks every day more like the UN than Christ's Church.

  7. Intriguing. Circe's spells can be reversed by Moly, suggesting that men can be turned back into pigs by...Anti-Moly.

  8. I nominate The bride of Frankenstein aka Elsa Lanchester.

  9. Thank you Eccles for a). allowing a link to my blog in your comments and b). liking my blog post on the subject of the as yet unsav'd persecutor of Cardinal Pell, who it is my intention to rescue from her errors in seeing "The Camino" as the goal of Christian life, rather than the Saint at the end of the road. In case some might see this as a storm in a teatowel, there have been issues with young Jabba on that "pilgrim" Forum and I am riding in as a brave knightly rabit-Peasant to take down the b'stards.

  10. Speaking of Weird Sisters...The Tragedy of MacBergeth

    Act I: St. Gallen-on-the Heath. 3 Weird Sisters (WS) meet

    WS 1 Card. MacCarrick:
    When shall we 3 meet again/ In thunder, lightning, or in rain?

    WS 2 Card. MacCormac:
    When the hurley-burley’s done/ When the battle’s lost and won.

    WS 3 Card. MacDaneels:
    Where’s the place to plan disgrace? To hell & heath to meet MacBergeth.

    MacBergeth: How now, you secret black and midnight hags

    All 3 Weird Sisters:
    By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes...
    Double, double, toil and trouble/ Cauldron burn and boil bubble
    Eye of newt, Pachamama dung/ Abu Dhabi spell with adder’s tongue
    All hail, MacBergeth, Pope-King to be.

    Act II @Papal Palace:
    I, Pope-King, rule heaven & earth with my One Ring
    Vaulting ambition which o’erleaps itself/ Yea, I may murder Truth by stealth
    A Lady MacBeth as priestess, wot?
    Yet Truth cedes not one jot/ How it bleeds! Out damn spot!

    Act III MacBergeth’s Sad Soliloquy:
    Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
    Creeps in this petty pace from day to day...
    Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
    That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
    And then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot,
    Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

    AB MacVigano:
    Cardinals prithee…No more our duty neglect
    Elect next a true Vicar of Christ, in such an honor named
    What needful else that calls upon us, by grace of grace,
    We will perform in measure, time, and place.