This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Friday, 3 April 2020

Pope Francis upset by "More tea, vicar?"

It has been reported that the 2020 Pontifical Yearbook, the Holy See's annual directory, has dropped the title of "Vicar of Christ" from its description of Jorge Mario Bergoglio, relegating it to a footnote - and we know from Amoris Laetitia that nobody trusts footnotes - as a "historical title".

Pope drinking tea

More tea, vicar?

Francis has similarly lost some of his other titles:

* Boss-man of the Catholic Church;
* Mr Infallible;
* Grandmaster of the art of Papa-Slappa;
* The Big Cheese;
* Holiest Man in the World;
* Bouncer Bergoglio (from his days in Argentina);
* The Fat Controller;
* Mr Sunshine;
* Big Frank;
* Mother Nature's Favourite Son;
* Humblest Man in the Vatican 2013-2020;
* Santo Subito. 
It is said that Francis didn't like to be called "Vicar of Christ", as it sounded too much like "Vicar of Christchurch", which would make him an Anglican clergyman from New Zealand (or possibly Dorset), subsisting largely on cups of tea from grateful parishioners. However, it has always been a definite solecism to ask the Pope, "More tea, vicar?"


Choir Practice at St Ngaio's, Christchurch.

Just as it is bad manners to refer to someone by a pronoun xe doesn't want (Xe will be very offended), it is wrong to mis-title the Holy Father, Pope Francis, Deputy God (are we still allowed to use these titles?) So no more tactless references to "Christ" - they confuse him.


  1. Poor Pope Len. He's much maligned.

  2. Well, if he wants to be known just as Bergoglio, one might be pleased to accommodate it.

    How "humble" of him ...

  3. Murder at the Vicarage

    No one at the Vatican Vicarage seemed particularly surprised when the Vicar Of Christ Title was found dead as a dodo.
    A cryptic note of suicidal resignation was found upon the Vicar’s desk reading simply:
    “I can’t go on…”
    (ex) Vicar of Christ

    The alleged Vicar himself was socially distanced, but that was to be expected, even welcomed.
    However, curiouser & curiouser, that now even his Historic Title had been sanitarily wiped from the historic record.

    Consulting Detectives Bruvver Eccles & Miss Marple, who happened to be visiting the Vicarage, quickly identified the usual suspects:

    * The Vicar of Ghastly Ghostwriting, AB Fernand Kissi-me-touche-me. Which no one would.
    * The Vicar of Dance, Cardinal Tango-Tagel who aspires to become Top Vicar, step-by-step.
    * The 3 Marx Bros. who claimed to be “on retreat” at Title Abdication time:
    Card. Harpo CokePal, Card. Zeppo Parolin, & Card. Groucho Marx.

    Let us cast a veil over all such Machiavellian machinations and suffice it to say:
    The Vicar is dead. Long live the true Vicar of Christ.

    “More tea, Vicar?”

  4. 不不不不不不不不不

  5. St John Paul wrote that we are all Vicars of Christ so I suppose that that must include the pope.