This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 10 November 2021

New ApartTrad system announced

Following the issue of Traditionis Custodes, Pope Francis has now decided a name for the new "first class" and "second class" system under which the Catholic Church will be organized from now on - it will be known as ApartTrad.

Apartheid sign

A typical ApartTrad notice.

First Class (Novus Ordo) Catholics - the ones that Pope Francis expects to see in Heaven with no questions asked - will be given full facilities for offering the post-Vatican II Mass. This will be in "vernacular" of course, although in another ten years from now, Francis intends to insist on Italian ("like Jesus spoke") since all other languages will be condemned as divisive, not to mention racist, fascist and major causes of climate change.

Second Class (Traditional Latin Mass) Catholics - already labelled "Satanic" by some of Francis's attack poodles - will have to struggle to find a place where their perverted liturgies can be offered. At present a twenty-mile walk to Mass is considered reasonable, but as the restrictions begin to bite, there will only be a few "Concentration Camps" in which those old fogeys (some of them as young as 3) will be allowed to congregate.

Amal and Vin

Amal Clooney is sent to check on Cardinal Nichols's orthodoxy.

Of course there are many people who attend both EF and NO Masses, and they are advised to establish their First Class credentials as soon as possible, before the new "yellow star" system is introduced to identify the TLM plebs.

Other sacraments will soon be denied to the Seond Class Catholics. No Marriage ("we don't want them breeding!" joked Francis), no Confession/Reconciliation (this has already largely disappeared in the Novus Ordo, since so many sins have been reclassified as "no problem, guys"), and of course no Ordination ("MORE Satanic priests? I think not!)

Climate Confession

Of course some sins are still recognised.

Already the Vatican has received worldwide condemnation for its new ApartTrad system, with such paragons of religious freedom as China, North Korea, Saudi Arabia, and Pakistan reeling in horror at the cruel persecution seen in the Catholic Church. So there are hopes that President Francis may yet moderate his policy.


  1. Don't worry about the Synod. Been there, done that. Smugly assuming that their views were in any case the consensus, members of the WASP elite on at least three continents invoked their nth generation club rights to demand that their church change to suit their specifications. Nearly a quarter of a century later, they are still screeching abuse at the insolent colonial darkies who were having none of it.

    Such Baby Boomers were then their pomp rather than in their early dotage, and Western Europe, North America and the Antipodes had yet to feel the full effects of mass immigration from outside each other. When their sociologically indistinguishable Catholic contemporaries from the same regions and from the whitest parts of Latin America, including Argentina, have the same experience, then they will have it from a far weaker position at home no less than abroad.

    Should the Synod ever meet, and the Pope will be 85 next month, then it would roar the fidelity of most of the world, as if the very questions from the old, rich, white people were silly and bewildering. On that basis, it would then get on with discussing the things that really mattered, whether the living links to the last days of Empire and of Jim Crow liked it or not. Been there, done that.

  2. I will not attempt to add anything to your comment, Mr. Lindsay. You covered most all of the bases.
    On Francis moderating his policy, we can only pray, and hope, and attempt to stir things up a bit.

  3. "ApartTrad" is brilliant and hilarious.