Liberal priests announce sex strike

In protest against the election of Donald Trump as president of the United States of America, many liberal priests have decided to join sex symbols such as Whoopi Goldberg (age 69, weight 69 stone) and Jane Fonda (age 86) in refusing to provide sexual services for the next 4 years.

"From now on I shall concentrate on eating - it worked for Arthur Roche."

Several leading Trumpophobes are LGBTSJ Jesuits, and it is believed that their leader has vowed "no woman shall know me in the Biblical sense for the next 4 years". Similarly, Cardinal Tobin has promised not to send dubious "Nighty-night" greetings to any women in this period.

Miss Greta Luce (age 21 but looks much younger) has also undertaken to remain chaste in solidarity with the liberal priests "although what the Vatican Anime Dicastery chooses to do with my image is beyond my control."

What could possibly go wrong?

So what will these virtuous religious leaders find to occupy their time? Kenotic decentering is very popular in some circles, and athletes of synodality find that sitting round a table for weeks on end helps dispel impure thoughts. We wish them luck in this new endeavour.