This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday, 21 March 2020

Covidicus 1 - There cometh a plague

Continued from the Book of Brexodus.

1. So Bosis and the children of Bri-tain camped in the desert just outside EU-gypt.

tents in desert

The children of Bri-tain begin their journey.

2. And there came a great plague from the East. It spared nobody, neither the children of Bri-tain, nor the land of EU-gypt.

3. So the LORD spake unto Bosis, saying, "Let each of you hang a toilet roll outside his tent, and this shall be a sign, whereby ye are not to be struck down by the pestilence."

4. And the children of Bri-tain fought amongst each other, that they might each have seventy times seven toilet rolls, just in case.

5. But the LORD caused toilet rolls to be dropped from Heaven, that all might be relieved.

toilet roll

And the people worshipped strange idols of Pachamama.

6. However, in the land of EUgypt, the plague spared nobody, and the people were told to go to their houses and hide in a closet for seven years, that they be not slain by the guards. And it was so.

7. Still, even for the children of Bri-tain the situation was grave, and all sports were forbidden, such as the cricket that chirped and the ball that was called foot.

8. Yeah, and all manner of entertainment was forbidden, even unto the alternative comics of the Beebee Sea. Which cheered the people greatly.

9. Now, in more distant lands there were dwelling those known as "celebrities"; that is, people unable to do useful work.

10. And they praised the LORD with a song called "Imagine", telling how wondrous it would be if HE did not exist. And the LORD was greatly amused at their folly.


"Imagine no hairdressers."

11. So the world went steadily insane. The children of Bri-tain sat alone in their tents, keeping in social isolation, waiting to see what would happen next.

12. And suddenly, everyone had forgotten EU-gypt, Greta that is called Thunderbird, and even the worship of the goddess Pachamama.

Madonna singing

A poor mad woman screameth at her hairbrush.

Continued in Chapter 2.


  1. Now now, Eccles. That woman is clearly belting out a song. Likely Bobby Gentry's 1967 'Ode to Billy Joe': "There was a virus goin' round Pappa caught it and he died last spring and now Momma don't seem to wanna do much of anything."

    Perhaps a reworded take on Jerry Lee Lewis's 1965 'Corrina Corrina': "I caught corona way cross the sea..."

  2. Looking forward to the Ten Cor-o-na-commands from the great prophet Bosis, although he seems to be dithering and delaying right now instead of just getting on and carving them ...

  3. Very informative, as always, Bruvver. And a happy Cloistered Laetare Sunday to you and all. 😁

  4. What is "the alternative comics of the Beebites" referring to? Sorry, didn't get the reference.

    1. There is an organization called the BBC (or Beeb) that has "alternative" comedians - left-wing ranters incapable of telling a funny joke.

    2. I thought the goodie Bruvver was referring to a Cat-a - holic blogger , which makes " funnies of matters supposedly Sirius. Babylon Bee.
      You shud go an see!

    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. Yah, those ‘star’ that fell from heaven are under house arrest. No more adrenochrome bites, right?

  6. This is hilarious, Bruvver! Seventy times seven toilet rolls, just in case! Heehee!