Television show threatened after star involved in "fracas"

The future of the popular show "Pope Gear", also known as "Catholic Church", was in doubt today, after its star was involved in a "punching incident". According to reports, Jorge Bergoglio aimed a punch at an assistant producer, Dr Alberto Gasparri, after he was rude about his mother.

A scene from "Pope Gear". Jorge test-drives yet another weird car.

This is not the first time that Jorge has been involved in controversy. Many will remember his time in Argentina, when he managed to offend the government by attacking their same-sex marriage bill as a "‘move’ of the father of lies who seeks to confuse and deceive the children of God." Still, most Pope Gear fans supported him over that incident, feeling that his remarks were theologically correct even if not politically correct.

Another stunt. A bus full of bishops races through the streets at 100 m.p.h.

However, nearer to home, Jorge has been associated with a string of gaffes that have been less easy to defend. His use of the term "self-absorbed, Promethean neo-Pelagians" offended many people who did not expect to hear such language on a family show. Then again, some old ladies were upset by his description of the European Union as "A Europe which is now a 'grandmother', no longer fertile and vibrant."

A bad role model? Jorge has been criticised for hardly ever wearing a seatbelt.

The show has also been accused of sexist attitudes by some critics. "Professor" Tuna Buttie (© Faith in our families), Director of the Digby Stuart Research Centre for Health, Money and Life Religion, Society and Human Flourishing, is a long-term critic of "Pope Gear", apparently because its main presenters are male. However, she has never really understood what is expected on the show, and it has been suggested many times that she would be happier with another programme such as Eastenders, where abortion, same-sex relationships and divorce are considered more acceptable.

"Here I am, a professor, and they ask me to teach flower-arranging," complains Tina.

So what of the future? Will Pope Gear continue with another presenter? The late Raymond Burke-Star, the BBC's motoring correspondent and presenter of Tomorrow's World, has been making a comeback recently, with a highly successful UK tour. Will he take over the sedes calida? And if he does, will Jorge start a new show, or join his predecessor in retirement?

Raymond Burke-Star, the thinking man's motorist.

BBC sacks man for using the S-word

It has been reported that the the BBC has sacked one of its Thought for the day speakers, Fr Jeremiah Clarkson, for using the "highly offensive" S-word. Obviously on an invariably polite and courteous blog such as this one we cannot print the S-word in full, but for those who don't know what we are talking about, it begins with S and rhymes with "dinner".

"Stig" Eccles, a colleague of Fr Clarkson.

Said a spokesman for the BBC, "Times have changed, and language that would have been perfectly acceptable 50 years ago is now regarded as offensive. The S-word has not been used in polite company for a long time. The important message of religion is that God loves us all (or, when the Muslim speaker is on, that God hates us all), and to call someone a S... oops, it nearly slipped out, there - is grossly offensive."

Fr Giles Fraser, a seasoned Thought for the Day veteran, agrees: "When I see someone acting in a really unpleasant way - for example, repeating Christ's views on marriage - I may go so far as to call them a Bigot, but I would never insult anyone by using the S-word. After all, the concepts of Good and Evil aren't compatible with modern secular religion."

Cynthia Payne (Madame Cyn), a well-respected moral philosopher these days.

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In other news, our Boat of Fools sent its "mystery worshipper" to check out the Harvard Black Mass. It turns out that the attendance was rather small, as the publicity on the church noticeboard was unappealing, to say the least.

The Devil does not have the best advertising agency.

Some people were attracted to the Harvard church by the prospect of seeing a virgin sacrificed; however, when they saw what was on offer, they hastily made their excuses and left.

Ceci n'est pas une nonne.