Pagans in Communion Conference

Yes, presented by www.christrecovery.com, it's the conference for all whose pagan leanings have been affected by Catholicism!

Nothing to do with this event, honest!

If you are a Pagan formerly associated with or affected by Catholicism, or are seeking to understand the effects of Catholicsm on our Pagan faith, then this conference is for you!

We feel your pain. Rigid Catholics who use words like "sin", "redemption" and "Christ" can cause untold distress to good Pagans such as ourselves, and it is important for us to have a conference as a way of giving each other support.

Two keynote speakers!

Yes, we are honoured to welcome Joe Biden, part-time president of the United States, who will give a keynote address on the subject of "Urgle burgle who am I splunge where's the ice-cream?" explaining how he was traumatized when a Catholic told him that killing babies was wrong.

We shall also be hearing from Fr James Martin LGBTSJ, author of "Are you gay? If not, why not?" - a manual for seminarians.

We shall hold synod-style bonding sessions!

We shall obviously play down the religious side of our beliefs - it is much more important to focus on OURSELVES rather than GOD - but we shall certainly sing a few happy songs (we don't use the h-word these days!) such as "All are welcome", "Gather us in", "On eagle's wings", etc.

As we meditate on just how horrible Catholicism is, we shall discuss the wonders of alternative beliefs, such as in Pachamama or the following message, seen at King's Crescent Railway Station.

The Stations of the Crescent - a lesson to us all.

Actually, some of us are a little unhappy with using words like "sinners", so there will be a trigger warning on this, and those likely to be offended may wish to miss out on this session. We are now trying to persuade the station to display more friendly messages such as "Remember, you are perfect already!"

Anyway, we are not here simply to moan about Catholicism, we will be partying as well! One of our keynote speakers, Blase Cupich, has donated some birthday cake, and all are welcome to share it (except Arthur Roche, who has his own cake).

This gluten-free, vegan and climate-friendly cupcake is also guaranteed Catholic-free!

LATE NEWS: Some orthodox Catholics have been detected trying to gatecrash our conference. All future bookings must be accompanied by a letter of support from either (a) a Jesuit; (b) Austen Ivereigh; or (c) Someone who writes for "Where Peter Is".

The Book of St Richard, Chapter 30

Continued from Chapter 29.

1. Two more years passed, O Theophilus, and Richard continued to rage against God, and especially the Catholics and Muslims who, for different reasons, were serious in their beliefs.

2. And the liberals cheered him, saying "This Dawkins is one of us", and indeed he had won the prestigious "Services to Godbashing" award from the British Godbasher Association, the even more prestigious "Carpet-chewer of the year" prize from the American Carpet-chewer Society, and the very wonderful "GOD-EX-TER-MIN-ATOR" medal from the Dalek colony in outer space.

Those were happy times for Richard.

3. But the world was moving on, and those who favoured liberal opinions suddenly found that they needed to change their beliefs with the times.

4. For in Richard's youth it had been well known that there were just two sexes, indeed "male and female created He them" was considered to be an obvious truth, at least if rewritten as "they had either male or female genes, although we don't believe in any Creator, ha ha!"

5. But there arose a myriad of other sexes, carefully renamed as genders, except when used in expressions such as "Gender Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll".

6. Indeed, Joanne of Warthogs, writer of 7 books, each longer than the previous one, had been cancelled because she refused to move with the times, and insisted that all people were either male, female, or Snape.

7. Thus the liberals said "We will buy all the copies of her books and burn them". Which did not distress the lady Joanne too much.

The train that Joanne wished to take was also cancelled.

8. Then Richard spake out too, and for once he decided to speak out about something he knew about.

9. "Sex really is binary. No question about it. Simply look at your selfish genes, and you can tell what 'gender' you are, and you cannot change it," said he.

10. And there were howls of rage from the liberals, who had now renamed themselves "Wokes" with the slogan "Be kind".

11. "Richard is a hater! Cancel him! Exterminate him! Buy all his books and burn them!"

12. "Richard is literally Hitler!"

"I agree with Richard!"

13. And the Mouthfoaming Association of Loonyville, California, withdrew Richard's prestigious Moathfoamer of the Year award.

14. But Richard refused to recant his beliefs, although he was embarrassed to receive an invitation to join the Vatican Synod of Synods and the Muslim Synod on Infidel-smiting as an external expert.

Continued in Chapter 31

The Book of St Richard beginneth here.