The Book of St Richard, Chapter 30

Continued from Chapter 29.

1. Two more years passed, O Theophilus, and Richard continued to rage against God, and especially the Catholics and Muslims who, for different reasons, were serious in their beliefs.

2. And the liberals cheered him, saying "This Dawkins is one of us", and indeed he had won the prestigious "Services to Godbashing" award from the British Godbasher Association, the even more prestigious "Carpet-chewer of the year" prize from the American Carpet-chewer Society, and the very wonderful "GOD-EX-TER-MIN-ATOR" medal from the Dalek colony in outer space.

Those were happy times for Richard.

3. But the world was moving on, and those who favoured liberal opinions suddenly found that they needed to change their beliefs with the times.

4. For in Richard's youth it had been well known that there were just two sexes, indeed "male and female created He them" was considered to be an obvious truth, at least if rewritten as "they had either male or female genes, although we don't believe in any Creator, ha ha!"

5. But there arose a myriad of other sexes, carefully renamed as genders, except when used in expressions such as "Gender Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll".

6. Indeed, Joanne of Warthogs, writer of 7 books, each longer than the previous one, had been cancelled because she refused to move with the times, and insisted that all people were either male, female, or Snape.

7. Thus the liberals said "We will buy all the copies of her books and burn them". Which did not distress the lady Joanne too much.

The train that Joanne wished to take was also cancelled.

8. Then Richard spake out too, and for once he decided to speak out about something he knew about.

9. "Sex really is binary. No question about it. Simply look at your selfish genes, and you can tell what 'gender' you are, and you cannot change it," said he.

10. And there were howls of rage from the liberals, who had now renamed themselves "Wokes" with the slogan "Be kind".

11. "Richard is a hater! Cancel him! Exterminate him! Buy all his books and burn them!"

12. "Richard is literally Hitler!"

"I agree with Richard!"

13. And the Mouthfoaming Association of Loonyville, California, withdrew Richard's prestigious Moathfoamer of the Year award.

14. But Richard refused to recant his beliefs, although he was embarrassed to receive an invitation to join the Vatican Synod of Synods and the Muslim Synod on Infidel-smiting as an external expert.

Continued in Chapter 31

The Book of St Richard beginneth here.

Harry Potter and the Curse of Woke

All royalties to be divided equally with J.K. Rowling.

"Harry (he him), have you met the new pupil, Doris Trans?" asked Hermione (she, her). "She was born as Boris Trans, but don't call her that. Apparently, a great wizard cast a spell on her, and she is now female!"

A bearded giant strode into the room. "Hi, guys, gals, and others!" she said. "Professor Dumbledore (he, him, most of the time) has said I can use the girls' changing rooms; I'm looking forward to taking up ladies' boxing and wrestling, and smashing girls' heads in."

The beautiful Doris Woke.

Just then Hagrid entered the room, carrying a huge trunk. "Hey, Boris," he said, "here's your luggage!"

"You transphobic BIGOT!" said Doris, knocking Hagrid unconscious with a single blow of her delicate fists.

Quick as a flash, Hermione reacted. Trying out a new spell for the first time she waved her wand and shouted "CIS TRANS". Instantly, everyone in the room began to identify with the opposite gender: Harriet Potter (she, her), Hismione Granger (he, him), Boris Trans (he, him), and the lovely but rather stunned Hagrida (she, her).

Professor Snape, who was just passing, caught a weakened form of the spell, and became convinced that he or she was now a member of all genders simultaneously.

"You'll be punished for this, Miss, er, Mr Granger!"

That evening Dumbledore decided to take action, and he used the Sorting Hat to classify each of the pupils into one of the four main genders: male, female, transmale, and transfemale. This just left Draco Malefem, who insisted that zi was Two-Spirit Fluid Bi-Pan-Sexual, and would need to use both bathrooms simultaneously.

But where did that leave Lord (or Lady) Voldemort? Nobody knew.

Author's note: this is supposed to be a spiritually nourishing blog, so we end with a quotation from Jeremiah 13:23.

"Can the leopard change his spots, or the man his chromosomes?"