Weepin stattues

I has always been a bit septical of dese Cathlic claims dat stattues can weep, but Bosco says dat his stattue of St Cristina, which he won in a compettion, is keepin him awake at nihgt, cryin dat it wants to go home. I aint actaully seen it cryin, but Bosco never tells lies, and here is a pitcher of his bedroom flooded wiv tears.

We took advices from Pastor De Mentia of de Calumny Chappel, and he came along to see the stattue. Of course it weren't cryin when he saw it in Bosco's bedroom, and de Pastor said sternly "Bosco, we know you aint tellin lies, as saved people can't ever do dat. But it's still very mysterrious."

Last nihgt I was sleepin sweetly in my bed, and dreemin of de Pop swimmin in de Lake of Fire. He was shoutin "My it's hot in here. I is beginnin to susspect dat I aint saved. I shoulda dressed up as a clown like dat Bosco told me to!" Den I heard a loud screem from Bosco's room, so I went to investtigate.
"Whats bin happenin, Bosco, darlin bruvver?" I asked. "Has Anti Moly bin practisin her Banshee shreiks? She takes her new job very seriously. De feersome cry of 'sockpoppet' freezes poeple to de spot."
"No, Eccles, you blokchead," replied my affecktionate bruvver. "I was tryin to cheer up de weepin stattue by readin it some humerus excertps from my luvvly blog, but it went off into historics."

I is wonderin whether this could all be Bosco's imaggination, cos I aint seen de stattue weepin yet. Anyways, we can forgit dis for de moment, as tomorrow is Sundday and we gonna save lotsa poeple, who aint expectin it.

Bosco, if you gotta minute, I is still worried about dis pitcher of some Cathlics with an iddle. It aint cemment, but seems to be tin. Is it still wrong to kiss it?

Anti Moly's new job

Well Bosco, we is lookin forward to Sunday, when we is gonna luanch our coop against de Cathlics, and save dem all by singin hynms. But until den Bosco and me is wonderin how Anti Moly will cope wiv her new job as a Banshee.

"Who exackly is we workin for?" Anti Moly asked de Angle of Death. "Is it Jessus or Sattan? Not dat I is prejudissed one way or de uvver, I is very open-minded."
"We is a freelance buisness," replied de Angle, "and we does contracts for all sorts of poeple. God, Sattan, de Democrates, de Republickans, de Bhuddists, de Salivation Army, de Lost Angles Dodgers, de Mafia, de Barclays bruvvers, Joanne Hairy, James Dellingpoll, anyone who wants to scare poeple to death. But I is never allowed to reveel who is de client."
"Does I have to dress up and look horrid?" asked Anti Moly.
"Nope, you is scarry enough already," said de Angle of Death (her real name is Mrs Riddle, so I is gonna use dat from now on).

Here is Anti Moly goin out to work, she is a dere old lady and we is very fond of her.

I'd quite like to go wiv her some time to see how she gits on.

Well, it's bin a quiet day, except dat Bosco is havin trouble wiv one of de ornnaments in his bedroom. He entered de Tellegraph's "Geuss de next 3 blogg topicks of Damain Thopmson" compettition. Bosco he said dey was gonna be Joanne Hairy, de Ordinariet, and den Joanne Hairy again, so he won de prize, it's a stattue of St Cristina de Odd One. However, he says de stattue is cryin real tears, in fact it keeps sobbin in de night dat it wants to go home again rather than be in purggatory, viz Bosco's beddroom. I spose dats a mircale Bosco but its a bit of a niusance, innit?

So if annyone knows how to cheer up a homesick stattue, we will be very pleased, won't we Bosco?

Bosco on de atack

Well Bosco had a narrow escape from de Angle of Death. But she is an old friend of Anti Moly's, and she have offerred our Grate-Ant a part-time job. De idea is dat Anti Moly's gonna go rouond scarring poeple to Death. She said, "Dat suonds good. Is I allowed to screem at dem too?" De Angle of Death said, "Yup, we has got a vacancy in de Banshee divvision." I will report on a futture blogg how my belloved Anti gets on wiv dis new career oporttunity which is gonna make de most of her tallents.

Bosco have realised dat we gotta get more vigoruos in our persecuttion of de Cathlics. I found dis photo showin Cathlics doin a crazy rittual where dey bow down to iddles. Dey even calls it Pillates cos in de Cathlic Bibble dey says dat Pontuis Pillate did it. What lies dey tell.

What's more, dey is makin iddles of de Pops, which Cathlics gonna be asked to kiss if dey wants to escape 1000000000000000 years in Purgattory. I read all about it on a website dat Bosco found, so it must be true.

Bein horified by dis wickedness, Bosco and me has develloped a cunning plan. On Sunday we is gonna go into de Cathlic church incoggnito. De preist will preach his herettical sermon, sayin dat all Cathlics gotta kiss more iddles and venerate beads (we knows dis is true as Bosco found an article on de internet about Venerable Beads), and on no account must dey read de Bibble. When we hears dis we shall pounce, and stand up and sing a Calumny Chappel hynm very luodly. Maybe dis one, which is very poppular.

De Lord's my shehperd, I's de sheep,
He dresses me like a clown.
Lord Jessus have saved me from de flood
And left all de rest to drown. Ha ha.

(We doesn't sing "Ha ha", we just gives a big chuckle as we finks of dem Cathlics in de lake of fire.)

Dis is de costume dat Bosco is gonna wear for church, he says dat Father Xavier Pell de Mons will never guess dat it is him.

Dat's a real parrot... it's de one dats been tryin to teach Bosco to say a few simple prhases.

So Sunday will be de day of reckonin for de Cathlics, we gonna save lots of dem. Since no Cathlics reads dis blogg, I fink it is safe to put our plans here, Bosco, my dere bruvver.