The Book of Covidicus 22: passports, please!

Continued from Chapter 21.

1. It came to pass that Carrie, the wife of Bo-sis, gave birth to a daughter, the sister of Wil-fred.

2. Thus fulfilling the words of the Lord unto Boris: I will multiply thy seed as the stars of the heaven, and as the sand which is upon the sea shore.

3. For the offspring of Bo-sis were now so numerous that he was no longer able to count them; although, according to the beautiful models of Neil, son of Fergus, he now had approximately twenty thousand children.

4. And Bo-sis called his daughter Romy, or Rho for short, as this was the name of the next variant of the plague to be expected.

5. But then there came a scandal that rocked Bri-tain to its foundations.

Bo-sis playeth a party game.

6. For it was revealed that one year earlier Bo-sis had spent the holy season in wild partying, while the rest of the country was reduced to tiers.

7. For it was written "In the lands of Tier 3, the people must not carouse. Indeed, they should not enjoy themselves at all."

8. So Bo-sis removed the paper hat from his head, the balloon tied to his suit, and the party whistle that shooteth out into the face of his neighbour, and said "I have never been to a party." But nobody believed him.

9. Thus he turned his attention to the great plague of Omicron, which slayeth not.

The Omicron plague refuseth to slay the people.

10. And there came unto him a messenger saying "Good news! A man hath died of Omicron! Well, in fact he was eaten by a camel, but he was heard to sneeze only ten days previously. The plague is now deadly."

11. So Bo-sis put down his cake, his party popper, and his party bag called "goodie", and spake out, saying "Time for Plan B".

12. And the people also spake out saying, "This meaneth the passports of vixen, which Bo-sis promised never to introduce! Can it be that our mighty leader hath been telling the pies that are porky?"

Note to foreign readers: Cockney Rhyming Slang - pork pies = lies. And now back to the story.

13. So Bo-sis held a mighty vote in the House of Common People, which was keenly fought.

Sajidiah the Bald backeth Bo-sis.

14. For Keir, Chief of the Labourites, spake out, saying "I am the leader of the Opposition, and therefore I support Bo-sis completely. Er, am I doing this right?"

15. But there came a great opposition to Plan B from Bo-sis's own tribe of Conservatites, even unto one hundred fold.

16. But still Plan B was passed, and the children of Bri-tain were told to be vaxed, to be tested, or to die from the deadly plague of camels Omicron.

Continued in Chapter 23.

The Book of Covidicus 21: the Omicron cometh

Continued from Chapter 20.

1. It came to pass that Bo-sis lost confidence in his advisers, be they the wise Sages, Neil, son of Ferguson, or even Sajidiah the bald.

2. Thus he went to visit the wise woman Pepperoni, blessed with a face like a hairdryer, who, as many cruel men said, came from a tribe of swine.

The wise woman Pepperoni.

3. And Bo-sis came back in great excitement, telling all the world that Pepperoni was most wondrous wise, and that he had learned a lot from her.

4. But what he had learned no man shall never know, for soon afterwards there came another deadly form of the plague.

5. This one was named Omicron although it should have more properly have been named after Xi-who-must-be-obeyed, the Emperor of China.

Xi-who-must-be-obeyed (pronouns Xi/Xer).

6. And this plague was the most deadly of all, as it had no effects whatsoever.

7. So Bo-sis spake out, saying, "If thou feelest healthy, then most probably thou hast caught the new plague, and should retire to thy bed for a month."

8. "For otherwise thou mayst infect thy neighbour, and he too will feel healthy."

9. And the people replied, "Now, that is the kind of plague that I like!"

10. Still, to be on the safe side, Bo-sis decreed that all men should once more cover their faces in the markets and also in the chariots known as public transport.

Bo-sis discovereth a strange side-effect of the latest vixen.

11. However, for the moment, he did not insist that all the world should be vaxed.

12. For in foreign countries, such as the southern land known as Australis where men tied down kangaroos for sport, those who refused the seventh vixen were cast into the camps of concentration and left to starve.

13. Thus proving that the death rate among the unvaxed could be very high.

Continued in Chapter 22.