This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Friday, 10 July 2015

Pope Francis receives inappropriate gifts

Pope Francis's tour of the South American countries of Ecumania, Bolshevia and Paradoxia continues to be a great success, and reinforces the important role of Latin - or at least Latin America - in the Catholic Church. Everywhere he goes he is welcomed with generous gifts, although some of them may be considered inappropriate.

pope and large object

A nerve gas canister for the pope!

In Ecumania the pope was presented with a nerve gas canister, guaranteed to emit the finest quality Sarin.

Commentators are divided as to what Pope Francis said on receiving the gift. Some say that he asked "But does it cause climate change?" while others recorded his response as "Just what I need to deal with Cardinal Kasper!" Our Spanish is not good enough to tell the difference.

Elsewhere in Ecumania, the pope was given an Incan "sacrifice knife", stained with the blood of many victims, as a gesture of Incan-Catholic reconciliation. It was not clear whether he intends to use it during the next synod.

Incan sacrifice

The Spirit of Vat-Inca II.

Strangest of all was what happened in Bolshevia, when President Evo Immorales presented him with a "Bolivian army knife" containing a hammer-and-sickle, a crucifix, and a device for getting stones out of horses' hooves. The pope and the president then burst into a spontaneous rendition of the Monkees' song "Then I saw her face, now I'm a Bolivia."

pope and Morales

Workers of the world, unite!

We are looking forward to the pope's visit to Paradoxia, where perhaps he will be given some Nazi artefacts to put on his mantelpiece. After all, many Nazis fled to South America at the end of the war, and there is a thriving "Catholics for Hitler" community, which would like to increase its influence in the Church. These days, we are asked to welcome everyone.

Nazi memorabilia

Choosing a present for the pope.


  1. A wonderful display of Latin American hospitality. Is Fidel Castrato in Cuboidia also on his visiting list? If it is, I can quite see him being given the latest 1920's model of a Cadillac, for his next Popemobile.

  2. Well, I think it's very rood and norty to complain about the pretty presents people are giving Pope Francis on his holidays. Praps I'm a very sad rabit, but nobody ever gives me pressies when I go to places on holidays. If the Bolivian army knife has a gadget for getting stones out of donkeys' hooves, that will come in handy because Pope Francis was given two donkeys quite recently. ...Or at least he was given a photo opportunity with them. I think everyone should pipe down and stop moaning because they don't get pressies when they go on holidays. Yes, that's you too, Rorate...

  3. I'm so glad I joined this Open University course now, otherwise I wouldn't know Sarin gas was invented by the Stinkas. I've made a note under Arty Facts in case this comes up at the exam.

  4. Does the Old Popes' home have room for another resident?