This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 15 July 2015

Star Wars III: Revenge of the Smith

Our story is set a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. The Smith Lords are all-powerful, imposing their will on all intelligent life-forms. The cruel dictator, Darth Smithius, ferociously suppresses the old ways, which are still practised by the Latin-speaking Tradi Order - the ones who know how to use the Extraordinary Force. He drives them back as he imposes the Ordinary Force.

Peter Smith

The all-powerful Darth Smithius.

The Tradi knight, Tim-obi Wan Fin-igan, is urged to flee the land of the black fens, and he takes refuge on the distant planet Thanetooine at the gates of Mar. Nearby, he finds another Tradi Master, Marcus Yoden, the custodian of the gates of Ram. Meanwhile, the black fens see the arrival of the young master Annoyin Stevefisher, who in those days has not yet turned to the Dark Side; he is considered to have been broadly neutral in the recent Clown Wars, when so many masses were taken over by puppets, clowns and liturgical dancers. The people of the black fens expect that the Extraordinary Force will be with him.


The temple in the black fens. Note the impressive array of light-sabres.

As we wait to see what Annoyin Stevefisher will do, we have a comic interlude, with various subsidiary characters such as the following:

Rowan Williams and friends

The Wookiee cries in triumph, watched by the robots RAD2-D2 and CORM-3PO,

and of course this one:

Jabba the Hutt

Flabba the Shedd.

Back to the plot. In the black fens, Annoyin Stevefisher shows an instant hostility to the Tradi Order, rejecting the Extraordinary Force, and and driving many into exile. Nearly a year passes, and the black fens lie in ruins. It transpires that Annoyin Stevefisher has turned to the Dark Side. He even declares his intention to teach in a secondary school. From now on, he will be known as DARTH FISHER.

Fr Steven Fisher

The dreaded Darth Fisher.

The power of the Smith Lords is now unchallenged, and the Evil Empire holds sway everywhere except on the planet Thanetooine. We shall have to wait for three more films before we see the Return of the Tradi.


  1. I earned my colours as a Jedi teacher while braving the schools of planet Thanetooine many years ago in teacher training, when the gates of Ram had the worst school in the whole solar system. T'would be such a twist of fate should young master Annoyin Stevefisher gain his first teaching post in one of the new "Academies" of planet Thanetooine and still not hack it, due to poor management skills, then end up seeking the counsel of the The Tradi knight, Timo-Thee Wan Fin-igan, at the gates of Mar.

  2. You honestly couldn't make it up, could you.

    And the powers that be actually encourage it, support it, and defend it.

    You honestly couldn't make it up.

    1. I know. I'm an imaginary witch from Narnia - and even I find it hard to believe some of the fairytales foisted on the faithful of Blackfen.

    2. Why would you need to make it up?

      It happens so regularly what would be the point?

  3. I wish someone would tell me what the f....
    Sorry, start again.
    I wish someone would post an intelligible account of what is happening at Blackfen.
    Not going into details, but a parish in my part of the world looks to be set for a very similar, erm, situation in the near future.

    1. There are some very good accounts of what happened online. CCFather wrote well on it :

      Mark Lambert has also covered the topic well :

    2. Thank you for the links.

      O brave new world....


  5. Church Militant headlines, 17/7/15: UK Priest of Former TLM Parish Goes Gay. Fr. Steven Fisher of Blackfen has resigned from his parish. FULL STORY COMING SOON

    Christine Niles will be presenting the full story tomorrow, Saturday 18/7/15 on