This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday, 30 October 2018

The 10 Commandments of Pope Francis

1. I am the Lord Francis, successor of Jesus Christ (in the words of the prophet Napier, the Vatican News, and others). Thou shalt obey me. And that includes thee, Viganò, wherever thou art hiding.

graven image of Pope Francis

And no graven images unless they actually look like me!

2. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord Francis in vain. In particular any blog that saith "Look what this clown hath done now" shall be refused the new "APPROVED CATHOLIC BLOG" award, and so people will take it less seriously than Salt and Light, America, the Tablet, the National Catholic Reporter, La Civiltà Cattolica, etc.

3. Remember to keep holy the Sabbath day. Watch my show on television. That way, even if thou dost not make it to Heaven, thou canst still watch it on television.

4. Honour thy father and mother. Or thy father and father. Or mother and mother. Or whatever differently-ordered family thou mayst have. Better still, honour thy Holy Father, as nothing else really matters. See that thou dost not trouble him with Dubia - thou shalt receive no answer, anyway.

5. Thou shalt not kill. The death penalty hath been declared inadmissible. On the other hand, if thou art Emma Bonino or another good friend of Francis the God, then thou mayst slaughter babies with a clear conscience.

wicked bible

An excerpt from the sacred work Amoris Laetitia.

6. Thou shalt not commit adultery, unless thou hast a clear plan ahead, including discernment, accompaniment, gradualism, and conscience. Don't worry too much about this. See the footnotes at the bottom of these stone tablets.

7. Thou shalt not steal, although thou mayst perform dodgy financial transactions with other people's money. For do not some of my most trusted cardinals do this? (The money was resting in my account! OM)

8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour. Actually, thou shalt not bear true witness against thy neighbour, either, lest thou be called "The great accuser".

9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, or live-in partner, boyfriend, or anyone to whom he saith "Nighty-night, baby. I love you." (Hands off, I saw him first! JT)

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's goods. And that includes coveting his papal office, his humble five-star apartment, his popemobile, and his "I AM INFALLIBLE" tee-shirt. These are going to Cupich when I rise to Heaven, so buzz off, the rest of you!

Burke and Sarah

Two notorious coveters.


  1. This had me laughing my head off. Too many fabulous one-liners to mention. "Look at what this clown hath done now" LOL!

  2. Then there's that new footnote, along the lines of ignorantia lex non excusat, 167 paragraphs written in Italian with no translations allowed, transgressions of which have been infallibly declared to be punishable by death. Popularly known as the jackboot clause.

  3. Wonderful....really cheered me. If we don't laugh, we will cry!

  4. Fantastic!!! You have out done yourself on this one.

  5. 'Hands off! I saw him first!' As said above, this contains some great one-liners. Almost as funny as that wonderful quip. 'I was texting my sister!'

  6. Excellent grasp of the second person singular!

  7. I'll sure pray for him big time cause if anybody needs prayer it's the Pope and the President. God does not play. God will not be mocked by nobody. And I do mean nobody for whatever reason whatsoever!

  8. Surely 10 is a sign of modesty as the Church of England has 39 and the American President (Wilson in 1918) had 14.

  9. Pope Francis statue looks like the "Big Butter Jesus" statue which used to be along I-75 in Ohio. There was a country western song about it. Unfortunately not a hymn to enter the contest.