This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 17 April 2019

Holy Smoke

The Catholic world was stunned today by the news that Liverpool Cathedral, or "Paddy's Wigwam", generally regarded as the ugliest cathedral ever constructed in Britain, has burned to the ground.

As Catholics sang hymns of thanksgiving, and danced in the streets, firemen were out all night desperately spraying petrol onto the flames and adding wood.

Liverpool Cathedral

The Holy Tent of St Patrick (to give it the official name).

One altar server (who wished to remain anonymous) explains: "We have been trying for years to make something of this place - preferably a heap of ashes - and this included replacing the holy oils with paraffin, sabotaging the thurible, and using wooden candlesticks. But it is hard to burn down a building that is made mostly of concrete."

"Of course we did hold some interesting religious events in the cathedral, including indoor barbecues, bonfires, and firework displays, but nothing went wrong."

cooling tower

Smoke pours from the tower of Liverpool Cathedral.

Luckily, all the sacred relics kept in Liverpool Cathedral have been saved. These include the holey socks of Warlock with special Vatican II loopholes, and the blindfold worn by Archbishop McMahon during the Alfie Evans case.

Fortunately, the replacement cathedral has already been designed by a Mr Lutyens of Holborn, and we know what it will look like.

Lutyens's design

Not as a lovely as Paddy's Wigwam, but nearly as good.


  1. Would that this monstrosity be burned to ash. Behold St Mary's of Rockledge, Florida:

  2. If it won't burn, perhaps several tons of lead placed on top might make it do the splits.

  3. Is that "holy tent" really a Cathoilic "Church"?
    I am a naive convert in America and, while we have some very ugly Chuches we are far outdone by the monstrosities our baptist bretheren put up. But this makes even the worst of their "amusement parks of worship" somewhat palatable.

  4. If I remember correctly we(you) have the late Cardinal Heenan for Paddy's Wigwam. He was in a rush to get something built and so he organised a competition for architects to build something "modern" for a total of 1 million pounds. This was the result designed by a Presbyterian with no idea of Catholicity. If only the Lutyens design had actually been begun it might actually be half built by now! I remember going to Mass in the Crypt which had been built!

  5. Yikes! The Florida cousin has a 'spire (?)' That looks like a witch's hat with a cross on top. Must have been the same architect at work.