This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Friday 23 August 2019

Cardinal Pell accused of witchcraft

See also The Crimes of Cardinal Pell and the Case against Cardinal Pell.

Following the conviction of Cardinal Pell on the basis of totally unbelievable testimony, the Victorian Kangaroo Court of Appeal has confirmed the verdict by a majority of 2 to 1; that is, Anne Ferguson and Chris Maxwell believed him guilty "beyond all reasonable doubt", while Mark Weinberg disagreed, writing a mere 200 pages expressing one or two reasonable doubts.

The three judges

Spot the man with the functioning brain (R)

The arguments of Ferguson and Maxwell, if accepted, actually imply that Cardinal Pell was guilty of practising witchcraft, or possibly miracles (useful when his cause for canonization comes up).

* Your Eminence, you are accused of bilocation, in that your corporal body was standing outside the cathedral talking to dozens of people, at the same time as it was in the sacristy.

* Cardinal Pell, you are accused of bewitching your vestments, so that you could expose yourself under several layers of heavy clothing, while at the same time attacking your victim.

* Pell, you must have been aided by demons, as the above could only have been managed by someone with four hands.

* Pell, you rotter, you cast a forgetfulness spell, so that the victim did not remember anything of the event until 20 years later, and could not even remember when the events happened, and thereby made it impossible for you to call witnesses to prove that nothing happened.

Mr Bean sleeping

A key witness against Cardinal Pell. Oh, sorry, there weren't any.

* Pell, you complete and utter swine, your real offence is that you are a Catholic, and speak out against same-sex marriage and abortion, which are the pillars of Australian society.

* Pell, you will be damned eternally, because you noticed that the Vatican Bank had been up to some extremely dodgy transactions. Don't expect Pope Francis to help you, therefore!

With all this in mind, we indict Pell on charges of witchcraft, and sentence him to be burnt at the stake.

And this is the reasoned verdict of us, Mad Annie and Bonkers Chris. WEINBERG, WILL YOU SHUT UP?

Phew, Annie, I think we got away with it. Fancy a few tinnies to celebrate?

6 comments:

  1. Of the 325-page judgement delivered by the Court of Appeal, Justice Weinberg's reasons accounted for 200 pages.

    "I am troubled by the fact that I find myself constrained to differ from two of my colleagues whose opinions I always respect greatly," he wrote.

    "That has caused me to reflect even more carefully upon the proper outcome of this application. Having done so, however, I cannot, in good conscience, do other than to maintain my dissent."

    Justice Weinberg said There is, to my mind, a ‘significant possibility’ that the applicant in this case may not have committed these offences. That means that, in my respectful opinion, these convictions cannot be permitted to stand. The only order that can properly be made is that the applicant be acquitted on each charge.”







    Of the 325-page judgement delivered by the Court of Appeal, Justice Weinberg's reasons accounted for 200 pages.

    "I am troubled by the fact that I find myself constrained to differ from two of my colleagues whose opinions I always respect greatly," he wrote.

    "That has caused me to reflect even more carefully upon the proper outcome of this application. Having done so, however, I cannot, in good conscience, do other than to maintain my dissent."

    Justice Weinberg said There is, to my mind, a ‘significant possibility’ that the applicant in this case may not have committed these offences. That means that, in my respectful opinion, these convictions cannot be permitted to stand. The only order that can properly be made is that the applicant be acquitted on each charge.”



    The deja vu bells are ringing for the immigrants who escaped the third reich and iron curtain countries only to see the nightmare played out again. Different setting ...this time on white sandy beaches with blue sky which does not make it any less terrifying. Australia is no longer a country which operates under the rule of law.Justice is not done and is not seen to be done.This is a terrible precedent and dangerous, not just for Catholics,other Christians as well.

    Justice Weinberg has written a 200 page report. He says that in conscience he cannot convict Cardinal Pell. He says he should be acquitted on all charges because he has sufficient doubt that the Cardinal committed any of these alleged crimes. He found the complainant to have had too many discrepancies in his allegations.



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  2. Genius as usual Bruvver. I love how you use your humour to make spot on points. I've been comparing this case what happened to Joan of Arc too.

    And it has to be said, Mad Annie looks like Dracula's mother. If she's not in league with the devil I'll eat my hat.

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  3. There have been several people who compared this farcical trial with the case of Lindy Chamberlain who served about 5 years in jail for the murder of her daughter but then it was found that her claim that it was a dingo which had taken her daughter, was actually the truth and finally she was released from prison. Everyone was convinced that Lindy was the guilty one because everyone knew that dingos do not run off with babies so it had to be her mother who was the guilty party!

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  4. I'm American.
    What's a "tinnie"?

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    Replies
    1. noun (informal) •Australian/NZ

      a can of beer.
      "let's crack open a tinny, mate"

      Delete
  5. Quote from Pater mari: When Cardinal Pell is canonised, perhaps he will become the Patron Saint of those convicted unlawfully.

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