This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday, 10 July 2021

Worries grow over side-effects of Vaticanation

The Vatican II jab, introduced in the 1960s as a way of countering the widespread TLM Cathovirus, has long been regarded with suspicion; indeed in 2007 President Benedict prescribed a dose of Summorum Pontificum instead, suggesting to the general public that the TLM was really nothing to worry about, and "Vatican II" passports would not be necessary for travel to distant places such as Heaven.


President Francis gets his booster Vatican II jab.

The current President, Francis, is less enthusiastic, relying largely on advice from Dr Arthur Rauci, his chief scientist; indeed there are rumours to the effect that Summorum Pontificum will soon be put on the "forbidden" list.

Still, the Vatican II jab can have serious consequences, especially in its "Spirit of Vatican II" form, and as a public service we are now providing a listing of some of the side-effects suffered by recipients of the injection.

Common side-effects.
An inclination to grope people in Church as a "Sign of Peace";
Singing bad hymns;
Female altar-servers.

Protective lanyards for use in Mass.

Rare but more serious side-effects.

Liturgical dancing;
Clowns and puppets;
Blessing homosexual unions (the German variant).

Fatal side-effects (very rare).
Idol worship, also known as Pachamamitis.
Pope Francis and Arthur Roche

"I believe that masks will protect us from the Latin Mass" says Dr Arthur Rauci.

This has been a public service announcement.


  1. 'Eccles' is satire ...I get it, but sometimes I wonder, such is the state of the Church/World these days.

  2. I've recently experienced a "reader" who reads like Marlon Brando in Street Car Named Desire. Not sure why Father can't tell him to tone it down.

  3. 'Fatal (to the soul) side effects' (very common): idle worship?

  4. I was in high school in 1969. I deliberately walked out of classes when the nuns were into heresy. I remember the nun coming out into the hall demanding i get back in her classroom. I folded my arms and said, SISTER I WILL NOT SIT IN YOUR SLASSROOM AND HAVE U DESTROY MY SOUL.

  5. A Modest Motu Proprio Proposal

    For preventing the children of Rigid Catholics from being a burden on my conscience and for making them beneficial for the publick.

    It is a melancholy object to those who survey my modern church to observe the growing number of Rigid Catholics (RCs).

    How it saddens me to see 4, 5, or even 6 children filling RC homes & parishes. These mothers, instead of going out to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to spend all their time providing sustenance to helpless infants at the breast whilst singing Latin lullabyes into innocent ears.
    Their antediluvian daddys must work for their living in a patriarchy of unimaginable horrors which rival the worst excesses of the Amish.

    I think it is agreed by all parties that this prodigious number of babes in arms is, in the present deplorable state, a very great grievance and therefore, anyone who could find a fair, cheap, & easy method of eliminating them, would deserve a statue.

    Having long turned my thoughts upon this problem, I finally find myself catapulted into the papacy where my schemes may be put into play. The number of baptized Catholics is reckoned at 1.3 B of which the majority, including bishops, does not keep the olde Faith. This presents a dilemma: What to do with a growing minority of RCs who rely upon Medieval or worse, Apostolic Tradition?

    RCs may likely inherit the earth, meek as they may be. The advantage of my proposal is that it will greatly reduce the number of Trad-Papists with which we are yearly overrun, as they are the principal rabbit breeders in the Church.

    During my viral trial of Mass suppression, RCs have increased in both number & fervor. Many turned to the Traditional Latin in Mass of the Ages. That is when I briefly considered Swift's original Proposal, but PP & Big Govt-Pharma have cornered that market so the less said on the topic the better.

    My Modest Motu Proprio Proposal abrogates the Traditional Latin Mass & all its divisive adherents. In fact, I hereby declare abrogated all Tradition prior to 2013 and bind all my successors to follow in my infallible footsteps.

    (ex) Vicar of Christ