Catholic Church endorses a Dalek lifestyle

We have reached the half-time point of the Extraordinary Synod on the Family, and the two teams have left the field to eat their oranges and have a pep talk from their managers (we won't mention the unseemly incident of the two captains, Cardinals Kasper and Burke, exchanging punches on the way to the changing-rooms).

To mark this stage, a provisional preliminary draft interim preprint "RANDOM WIBBLINGS" has been issued, setting out the Synod's conclusions so far. Apart from the insertion of the word "not" at certain key points, it is likely to be become the basis of an infallible statement of Catholic doctrine by Pope Francis, probably around tea-time tomorrow - at least if you believe the Tablet and the Daily Mail.

Pope Francis wishes he'd never called the Synod in the first place.

The Synod took evidence from several families leading a Dalek lifestyle - this generally involves attempting to dominate the entire Universe, while exterminating anyone who gets in the way - and the general mood was sympathetic. It was felt that there was no place for the hardline traditionalist attitude esposed by Dr Who, and that instead the Church should value the Dalek orientation, with the inherent qualities of aggression, sadism, cruelty and ruthlessness. The key point is this: "Daleks have gifts and qualities to offer to the Christian community: are we capable of welcoming these creatures, guaranteeing to them a fraternal space in our communities?"

Essential nutrition for those attending the Synod!

It is hoped that Daleks will adopt the principle of gradualism (Christ spoke of little else), and move slowly from a lifestyle of mass-exterminating to one of more limited exterminating. Certainly Daleks should be allowed to take Communion, as indeed should remarried divorcees, active homosexuals, atheists, Muslims, Cybermen, Tina Beattie, cats, dogs, goldfish, and indeed any other creature that shows an interest.

The conclusion is clear: it would be unreasonable to demand any particular code of conduct, least of all the adherence to Christian teaching.

A Dalek is borne in triumph through the streets of Rome.

Further reading: Pope Francis baptises a Dalek.

Screemin Pops

Well, you may have bin wonderin why my dere bruvver Bosco is keepin a low proffile at present, dats becuase he is busy on his campaing to save de Cathlic churhc by becommin de next Pop. As I explaned, he sent out letters to all de Cradinals wiv dis offer of Salivation:

ULLO COSTUME HOLY MAN, YOU AINT SAVED. VOTE BOSCO FOR POP!

He aint got many repplies yet, in fact de only one he got back was from someone called Cradinal Sockpope, who he didnt even write to. Dis Cradinal said "Git lost you pathettic sporn of Sattan," which suggests dat he probbably aint gonna vote for Bosco. What's more, we aint sure dat Cradinal Sockpope is a real person, anyway.

Bosco have been usin de resauces of Goggle and Wikkipedia to find out what Pops does when dey aint burnin poeple. He found dis pitcher by a lady called Frances Baccon, which is entittled "Screemin Pop".

We fink de Pop is bein drenched in hot water, dat's why he's screemin. Does Pops have to keep dere clothes on when dey takes a shower?

Meanhwile I has made a sclupture of my Anti Moly, which we puts in de gardden to scare away de crows. We dat is saved knows it aint reely an iddle, and so we doesnt kiss it. Come to think of it, de last time I kissed my Anti, she kicked me in de shins, so I doesnt do dat no more niether.

My Anti Moly has recorded a disc of her singin songs (she does dat in de bath), and I is advertisin it bellow. De procedes will go to Anti Moly's Gin Fund, which is a charitty aimed at keepin old ladies off de streets.

Don't be worried about de steem commin out of de top of her head, it happens quite often.

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DE SOOTHIN SOUNDS OF MOLY BENDITE

ON SAIL NOW AT ALL GOOD RECCORD STORES

DE ANTI DOTE TO SCREEMIN POP SONGS