This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles
Showing posts with label screaming pope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label screaming pope. Show all posts

Monday, 2 January 2017

Catholics of the Year

The Anglican "Cranmer" blog awards a title of most inspirational (British) Christian of the Year, and this year it seems to have been combined with the Great British Bake-off, as the worthy winner is the cake-maker (or non-maker) Daniel McArthur. Other highly-commended people who have from time-to-time been mentioned on this blog are Fr Ray Blake, Dr Timothy Stanley and Sir James MacMillan.

So it seems only appropriate to award a "Catholic of the Year" title to someone who has inspired the most spiritual nourishment on this blog. The winner should probably be Pope Francis, but to avoid cries of "Is the pope actually Catholic?" we need to look further afield.

Spadaro sings for the pope

"Old Man Francis, he don't say nothing, he must know something..."

We reluctantly eliminated Cardinal Dolan at the swimsuit round (well, just before it, thank goodness), although the judges inadvertently allowed Fr James Martin SJ to compete in his mankini. Two of them are still in intensive care, as a result.

Cardinal Kasper continued to score highly, but he was disqualified for having an unfair advantage (being as mad as a hatter). Moreover, Fr Rosica refused to return his entry form, simply screaming "you're blocked" at our staff.

Dolan dances

Cardinal Dolan rehearses for the finals of COTY.

Of the British entrants, Prof. Tina Beattie was a bit quiet this year, although probably still very active in the "human flourishing" business, and Austen Ivereigh - in spite of a promising meltdown in December - did not put up a consistently nutty performance throughout the year. Others, such as Vincent Nichols, who can normally be relied upon to do something interesting, just didn't seem to be trying this year.

Three promising newcomers are the new American cardinals, Cupich, Farrell and Tobin, and we expect them to be strong entrants for the "Catholic of the Year" title next year. It just goes to show that a mere nobody may one day end up as pope...

Cupich laughs like a drain

Cardinal Cupich shows how senior churchmen behave with dignity.

We haven't yet blogged about him, but Archbishop Mark Coleridge of Brisbane is a strong tip for spiritually nourishing entertainment in 2017. Apart from his intemperate remarks about the four cardinals, he has found a novel use for churches in his diocese - naughtiness. Why isn't this man also a cardinal?

scandal in Brisbane

There are worse pictures around, but this is a family blog.

So the three finalists turned out to be
1. Fr Antonio Spadaro SJ, the Tolkien scholar;
2. Fr James Martin SJ, the Biblical scholar; and
3. The late Fr Jack Hackett (probably SJ), the most famous Catholic to die in 2016.

It was impossible to choose between them, so let's finish off with a few iconic souvenirs of 2016.


Trump and Farage

Pope Francis closes the "Door of Mercy" as the Jubilee Year of Revenge begins.


Robbie Williams

Fr Williams shows how to stay healthy after giving the Sign of Peace.


Scene from a Fu Manchu film

A South American bishop explains the new guidelines in Amoris Laetitia.


It really has been a tough year for Pope Francis (seen Before/After).

Monday, 13 October 2014

Catholic Church endorses a Dalek lifestyle

We have reached the half-time point of the Extraordinary Synod on the Family, and the two teams have left the field to eat their oranges and have a pep talk from their managers (we won't mention the unseemly incident of the two captains, Cardinals Kasper and Burke, exchanging punches on the way to the changing-rooms).

To mark this stage, a provisional preliminary draft interim preprint "RANDOM WIBBLINGS" has been issued, setting out the Synod's conclusions so far. Apart from the insertion of the word "not" at certain key points, it is likely to be become the basis of an infallible statement of Catholic doctrine by Pope Francis, probably around tea-time tomorrow - at least if you believe the Tablet and the Daily Mail.

screaming pope

Pope Francis wishes he'd never called the Synod in the first place.

The Synod took evidence from several families leading a Dalek lifestyle - this generally involves attempting to dominate the entire Universe, while exterminating anyone who gets in the way - and the general mood was sympathetic. It was felt that there was no place for the hardline traditionalist attitude esposed by Dr Who, and that instead the Church should value the Dalek orientation, with the inherent qualities of aggression, sadism, cruelty and ruthlessness. The key point is this: "Daleks have gifts and qualities to offer to the Christian community: are we capable of welcoming these creatures, guaranteeing to them a fraternal space in our communities?"

fudge

Essential nutrition for those attending the Synod!

It is hoped that Daleks will adopt the principle of gradualism (Christ spoke of little else), and move slowly from a lifestyle of mass-exterminating to one of more limited exterminating. Certainly Daleks should be allowed to take Communion, as indeed should remarried divorcees, active homosexuals, atheists, Muslims, Cybermen, Tina Beattie, cats, dogs, goldfish, and indeed any other creature that shows an interest.

The conclusion is clear: it would be unreasonable to demand any particular code of conduct, least of all the adherence to Christian teaching.

Dalek aloft

A Dalek is borne in triumph through the streets of Rome.

Further reading: Pope Francis baptises a Dalek.

Tuesday, 20 September 2011

Screemin Pops

Well, you may have bin wonderin why my dere bruvver Bosco is keepin a low proffile at present, dats becuase he is busy on his campaing to save de Cathlic churhc by becommin de next Pop. As I explaned, he sent out letters to all de Cradinals wiv dis offer of Salivation:

ULLO COSTUME HOLY MAN, YOU AINT SAVED. VOTE BOSCO FOR POP!

He aint got many repplies yet, in fact de only one he got back was from someone called Cradinal Sockpope, who he didnt even write to. Dis Cradinal said "Git lost you pathettic sporn of Sattan," which suggests dat he probbably aint gonna vote for Bosco. What's more, we aint sure dat Cradinal Sockpope is a real person, anyway.

Bosco have been usin de resauces of Goggle and Wikkipedia to find out what Pops does when dey aint burnin poeple. He found dis pitcher by a lady called Frances Baccon, which is entittled "Screemin Pop".

Screemin Pop

We fink de Pop is bein drenched in hot water, dat's why he's screemin. Does Pops have to keep dere clothes on when dey takes a shower?

Meanhwile I has made a sclupture of my Anti Moly, which we puts in de gardden to scare away de crows. We dat is saved knows it aint reely an iddle, and so we doesnt kiss it. Come to think of it, de last time I kissed my Anti, she kicked me in de shins, so I doesnt do dat no more niether.

Anti Moly sclupture

My Anti Moly has recorded a disc of her singin songs (she does dat in de bath), and I is advertisin it bellow. De procedes will go to Anti Moly's Gin Fund, which is a charitty aimed at keepin old ladies off de streets.

Don't be worried about de steem commin out of de top of her head, it happens quite often.



DE SOOTHIN SOUNDS OF MOLY BENDITE

Holy Moly

ON SAIL NOW AT ALL GOOD RECCORD STORES

DE ANTI DOTE TO SCREEMIN POP SONGS