Catholics For Genocide

Some personal news: I'll be joining Catholics For Genocide as their Director of Communications and Strategy on February 1st. As a Christian and someone deeply committed to mass murder and ethnic cleansing, it's a dream to join this team of brilliant advocates.

I am hoping that my move will backed by Chelsea Clinton and the beautiful Charlotte Clymer, who coincidentally has just been appointed as Director of Communications and Strategy for our sister organization Catholics For Choice! Meanwhile, Uncle Joe Biden has promised to give funding to Planned Orphanhood, which is one of our partners in the mission of bringing Catholic values into the business of widespread slaughter.

We are still waiting to hear from Sister Swinging Bluejean, the campaigner against the death penalty; will she make a statement if the people we are targeting are not murderers on death row but perfectly innocent citizens who happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time?

Some bigoted traditionalists have suggested that genocide is not something that Catholics can support with a clear "conscience" (may we remind them that the idea of a conscience was dropped from Catholic teaching at the time of Vatican II?) Our answer to that is simple: very few senior bishops have criticised our movement, and Pope Francis certainly hasn't! Many of his best friends in China like nothing better than rampaging across the country wiping out people from the wrong team!

Is it really worth upsetting my friends in China for the Uyghurs?

The bad news is that a team of American bishops has dared to suggest that genocide is "wrong" (despite its being official Democratic party policy). Still, nobody has stopped us genociders from receiving Communion, and we are counting on Cardinal Blase Cupich to tell those turbulent bishops to be quiet!

Judas Iscariot SJ - a new biography

St Jon M. Sweeney has written a biography of Judas Iscariot SJ, the misunderstood disciple, LGBT pioneer, and top theologian; it is called Judas Iscariot: In the Company of Jesus, and is published today!

Going to Amazon (in a non-synodal capacity), we found three very enthusiastic reviews of this new book.

Already nominated Book of the Year!

"Here's what I can't help but love about Judas Iscariot: his refreshing new teachings, so different from listening to what Christ had to say, so honest, so alive and unfurling. Father Judas's love for money (30 pieces of silver for each book published) impels him to talk nonstop about the virtues of an LGBTQ lifestyle. Courage, Judas. I've been wibbling on about the death penalty for 90-plus years (oh, nobody cares about you, Sister Bluejean). When you love talking, you stay in dialogue."

Sister Swinging Bluejean, CSJ, Author of lots of stuff about people being executed.

A relic from the swinging 60s.

"St Jon M. Sweeney has composed a detailed, fascinating portrait of one of our great spiritual leaders, Judas Iscariot. From a not very religious family and after a stint on the Galilee Stock Exchange, Martin heard the unlikely call to the 12 Disciples. This led to his blossoming into a best-selling author and a controversial spokesperson for welcoming LGBTQI+ persons to the Church. It’s a gift to nonbelievers who want to stay that way, as well as helping devout Catholics who are planning to lapse."

Mary Karraphas, poet and memoirist, author of various books that we've never heard of.

"[Fill in name here] is one of the most important voices in Christian spirituality today and [Fill in name here]'s story of his life and his work will, I promise, make you want to be a [better/worse] person. We need to define what Christian discipleship means in the present moment. This book will help you do that."

Ronald Hellraiser, author of far too much already.

Fr Ron demonstrates the new Vatican-approved way of fighting off unwanted pilgrims.