ISIS offers to merge with Amnesty International

The Muslim organization ISIS (specialities: murdering unarmed women, children, journalists, taxi-drivers, in fact anyone who can't fight back) has offered a merger to Amnesty International (specialities: well, originally fighting against torture and unjust imprisonment, and now campaigning for changes in abortion law).

A proposed logo for the new combined organization.

Said a spokesman for the Satanic State, Mr B. El-Zebub, "We really admire what Amnesty is doing. I mean, we're very proud of our record of killing the weak and helpless, but Amnesty is set to outdo us easily. We've been looking at abortion statistics, and we simply can't compete in terms of slaying innocent people."

His friend "Jihadi Jimmy" was quick to agree. "I like killing defenceless people and biting the heads off small fluffy kittens, all in the name of Allah the Merciful, but massacring babes in the womb and calling this a human right takes cruelty and depravity to a new level. I'm all for it."

Brave Jihadi Jimmy ran away in terror when this cat mewed at him.

So far Amnesty International has not issued any response to the offer from ISIS, but we understand that some of its supporters are very keen on the proposal. Having won a Nobel Peace Prize in 1977, Amnesty is already associated with some extremely dubious characters, some of whom are sympathetic to the new culture of mass murder. So a merger with ISIS is an offer that they will surely take seriously.

No longer members of Amnesty.

Nasty things traditionalists do

Sister Modernia writes:

Sister Modernia

I am very grateful to Brother Eccles for giving me the opportunity to draw your attention to some of the nasty things that traditionalists do. I have written at least a dozen letters to Pope Francis about this issue, but so far he refuses to excommunicate anyone.

Mantillas. Ban them!

Why should women be allowed to wear mantillas in church? They only do it in order to be "holier than thou", sneering at me as I come in wearing my "kiss me quick" baseball cap.

Now that's what I call good taste!

There's nothing wrong with being bare-headed anyway - St Paul may have said (in 1 Corinthians 11) that women should cover their head in church, but that was only addressed to the Corinthians. Remember it wasn't in the Vatican II documents, so it cannot apply to us!

Latin. How disgusting!

Up to the 1960s there must have several million Latin Masses celebrated. They were all invalid! I see it as my mission to stamp out the Latin Mass wherever I encounter it. You wouldn't see me attend one, so why should others? And some of those traddies pretend to understand what's going on! No, it's simply elitism! Ban it!

Pius V - may have been a saint, but he didn't know what a proper Mass was.

And here's another nasty habit we need to do something about.

Kneeling! How offensive!

When I go to Heaven - which I surely shall, thanks to my devotion to the Spirit of Vatican II - I shall meet my Creator. Will I kneel before Him? Good Heavens, no! I'll stride up boldly to Him and say "Yo, Dude! Didn't I do well?" He'll be surrounded by His angels, most of whom will probably be former Tablet staff, and they'll all say "Modernia! You told 'em!"

One of God's angels.

No, we don't kneel before God these days. Moreover, it is vital to make sure that nobody else does, even if they want to! If you see a "kneeler", mock them!

Well we've just got time for one more "nasty thing". Pro-life issues!

Mother and baby stuff. Over-rated.

Don't you just hate pro-lifers? Or people who keep going on about how they like children? Some of them even blog on the subject - woeful! They're just doing it to make the rest of us feel bad. However, I read in the Tablet that church teaching is evolving on this issue. Pope Francis may secretly be a "traddy" pro-lifer, but we have friends in Rome who are ready to "spin" what he says.

We shall ban smug, offensive, provocative posters like this!

Finally, I'd like to thank Eccles for allowing me to post on his blog today, and bringing my views to such a wide audience. He's got a long way to go, but we're working on him!

Bosco's money aint saved

Well, Bosco my dere bruvver, I is very unhappy dat you didnt get $100,000,000 as a leggasy from Jessus, even thuogh it was promissed you by Mrs Condi Gulible of Jordan's Bank. In fact dey seem to have taken most of de money out of your bank account as a commision, leavin you just 30 silver dollars (dat makes you just like your grate herro St Judas Iscarrot).

Anyway Bosco have got hisself a new finnancial adviser who gonna help him track down de missin leggasy from Jessus. Here he is:

Alass, we has been too busy wiv dis probblem to deal with other maters, such as de Bibble classes ect. but Bosco my dere you should not rellent in your endless pursuit of gravven imagges, and here is one dat I fink is partickerly worryin, as it looks like a Maddona and Child, dem Cathlics bin worshippin dis I am sure, Bosco.