This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Sunday, 11 August 2013

Nasty things traditionalists do

Sister Modernia writes:

Sister Modernia

Sister Modernia

I am very grateful to Brother Eccles for giving me the opportunity to draw your attention to some of the nasty things that traditionalists do. I have written at least a dozen letters to Pope Francis about this issue, but so far he refuses to excommunicate anyone.


Mantillas. Ban them!

Why should women be allowed to wear mantillas in church? They only do it in order to be "holier than thou", sneering at me as I come in wearing my "kiss me quick" baseball cap.

good taste

Now that's what I call good taste!

There's nothing wrong with being bare-headed anyway - St Paul may have said (in 1 Corinthians 11) that women should cover their head in church, but that was only addressed to the Corinthians. Remember it wasn't in the Vatican II documents, so it cannot apply to us!

disgusting Latin

Latin. How disgusting!

Up to the 1960s there must have several million Latin Masses celebrated. They were all invalid! I see it as my mission to stamp out the Latin Mass wherever I encounter it. You wouldn't see me attend one, so why should others? And some of those traddies pretend to understand what's going on! No, it's simply elitism! Ban it!

Pius V

Pius V - may have been a saint, but he didn't know what a proper Mass was.

And here's another nasty habit we need to do something about.


Kneeling! How offensive!

When I go to Heaven - which I surely shall, thanks to my devotion to the Spirit of Vatican II - I shall meet my Creator. Will I kneel before Him? Good Heavens, no! I'll stride up boldly to Him and say "Yo, Dude! Didn't I do well?" He'll be surrounded by His angels, most of whom will probably be former Tablet staff, and they'll all say "Modernia! You told 'em!"

Clifford Longley

One of God's angels.

No, we don't kneel before God these days. Moreover, it is vital to make sure that nobody else does, even if they want to! If you see a "kneeler", mock them!

Well we've just got time for one more "nasty thing". Pro-life issues!

Madonna and child

Mother and baby stuff. Over-rated.

Don't you just hate pro-lifers? Or people who keep going on about how they like children? Some of them even blog on the subject - woeful! They're just doing it to make the rest of us feel bad. However, I read in the Tablet that church teaching is evolving on this issue. Pope Francis may secretly be a "traddy" pro-lifer, but we have friends in Rome who are ready to "spin" what he says.

choose life

We shall ban smug, offensive, provocative posters like this!

Finally, I'd like to thank Eccles for allowing me to post on his blog today, and bringing my views to such a wide audience. He's got a long way to go, but we're working on him!


  1. Sarcasm at its finest! :)

    To Eccles: Now den, my good man. We mens must keep telling de Truth. Dat way we both feel fine. (From a fellow Goon. Marvelous blog, my friend!)

  2. Modernia:
    Is eccles' equivalent of a mantilla in church a TIE?
    or what?

  3. Eccles
    Don tell me you are following modernia in detieing Angels as per 7 this post!
    Is ties at mass like maculine mantillas?(P.S: for cousins: mantillas is chapel veils, learnt that at FrZ's., for anyone from argentina: for E&W, Catholics, mantillas are ONLY as illustrated above, not warm compost for growing plants in a hotbed nor any other of the meanings in spanish.English catholics got wierd habits but not THAT weird)

  4. Pope Francis or Frances or is it France's? does not want "pelagian solutions' or something. So, no more wine or water at Mass; only solid solutions are allowed from now on. The Plagians copy everything, like the same old Latin one all the time, so each "mass" must be original and creative too. No more plagianism or plagianising the mass anymore but only improvising with balls, hats, t-sirts & ukeleles.

  5. Dear Sir,

    I am once again astonished that you think Catholics all need to follow Catholic religious practices. What an out-dated load of tosh! Next you'll be telling us there really is a Holy Spirit! I just think it is so liberating that the Pope has stopped calling himself a Pope. Soon it is to be hoped we can all vote on the encyclicals if we like them. Progress at last.

    Yours etc.,
    Reginald Flabberghast
    Tunbridge Wells ACTA

    1. Dear Reginal Flabberghast,

      I would have said that, if you had not left the computer logged into your account and beaten me to it. I never use sockpuppets and I think people who do are mountebanks and flibbertigibbets. So there.

      Yours in fake outrage,
      Man in a shed in Croydon

  6. Dis wood bee soooooooo sad - if it hadn't gott sum truf in it.

  7. So the Modernia Sisters are “working on you” Eccles…?

    Without much success, apparently.

    I geuss dey just don’t no what saved pussons is.

  8. Terrific blog, now I know where I am going wrong,i shall discard my mantilla,extend my arms during Pater Nosta oops Our Father,exchange sign of peace with as many people as possible even if it extends beyond Agnus Dei and slouch up to Communion in a devil may care way,then I shall belong.

    1. Yes, Eileen and dress as immodestly as possible - WYD suggests bikinis are in and chat noisily a lot during the proceedings.

    2. While chewing gum, and checking whether your ASOS thongs have made it out of the Coventry warehouse

  9. Not surprising this was such a popular thread. As ACTA keep saying, we live in a climate of fear:

    Aaaaaaaarrrrrrgh!!! A doctrine....!

    Doctrine Who?

    No idea but let's all hide behind the sofa.

  10. Fanks fur de laffs, all uv yuz!
    Bi de way...kyrie eleison is not latin yuz'l orl bi glad tuh no.