It's Supernun!

In a previous post we asked Sister Judy Piranha of the Nuns of Herod to explain why voting Democrat was the only reasonable possibility for an American Catholic. Now, to redress the balance, we present Supernun!

Supernun! (Real name Deirdre Byrne.)

Sr Deirdre (a.k.a. Dede) is no ordinary nun. Trained as an army surgeon, she can strangle heretics with her bare hands and kill them with a single blow - medical knowledge comes in handy! According to Wikipedia she is also a world-class distance runner, but that could be someone else.

Anyway, her super-powers include flying, X-ray vision, and laser-like eyes which can melt steel (making her stare the most piercing since Mother Angelica's). She also has breath that can freeze a Jesuit at ten paces.

The Horan of Babylon is not amused.

You can tell that Supernun is making an impact - Daniel Horan of Babylon, a well-known opponent of pro-life activities, threw a hissy fit and played the Nazi card. If his picture is anything to judge by, he has already had his hair vaporized by the piercing glare of Supernun!

Horan is also very worried about the weaponised rosary of Supernun! It seems that he doesn't mind rosaries as a fashion accessory, to go with that lovely Chanel robe he wears, but woe betide you if you use them as a way of fighting evil!

Another well-known Democrat, Fr James Martin LGBTSJ BOTA (Beast of the Apocalypse) is also throwing a wobbly at the special powers of Supernun! His argument is that religious people should not endorse politicians. Of course, he has praised Biden and attacked Trump on many occasions - he threw a memorable tantrum when Donald was elected - but nobody could possibly deduce anything about his political views from that!

But enough - in fact too much - of Jimbo the Clown.

Long live Supernun!

Coming soon, the adventures of Supermother!

The five levels of threat to your spirituality

In these dangerous times, it is important to know what the chances are of an attack from the forces of darkness. There are five officially-recognised threat levels, and, just as the Beaufort scale may be used to estimate the wind speed, and the likely extent of damage, the following table can provide a similar warning, based on what you observe when you attend church.

The threatometer^TM.

Low threat - a sacred, devotional service; all music played is religious, rather than something from Paul Inwood; the sermon may have been stolen from a dusty 19th century anthology, but the anecdote about Cardinal Newman is spiritually nourishing; the emphasis is on God.

No sign of those 19th century Pusey riots.

Moderate threat - kiss of peace starts to get out of hand; "Shine, Jesus, shine" sung; children return from Bible class having drawn pictures of the Pope.

Well done, Maureen! Why not write a blog?

Substantial threat - guitars; liturgical dancing; guest sermon on "My holiday in Ecuador"; gospel replaced by readings from the Vatican II documents; copies of the Tablet sighted.

Threat level raised to "substantial".

Severe threat - clowns or puppets deployed; deacon tips ice bucket over his head; favourable mention made of of Hans Küng (or it may be Cardinal Martini).

Fr Bosco - a severe threat.

Critical threat - Tina Beattie wanders in; priest introduces his "husband"; charity collection for the Family Planning Association; a distinct smell of brimstone; you're in deep trouble.

There's something badly wrong here.

Going striaght

Well, Damain was releesed from prisson, after de pussonal intervention of bruvver Borris, and he has vowed to go striaght, i.e. do nuffin dat will upset de Pop, wot secretly controlls de Pollice in Enggland. Bosco tells me dat dey is all Freemassons, you see, and goes around wiv dere truoser legs rolled up. Dats why de Pop wears a dress so you can't see dat he got rolled up truoser legs underneaf.

So you will not see Damain doin any of dese fings dat saved poeple like my bruvver Bosco does.

1. Shout "I is saved and you isn't buster" frew de winder of de hospittal to encourrage poeple what is dyin.
2. Dress up as a clown and go to de Calumny Chappel.
3. Get his spiritaul nuorishment from forbbidden books like de Bibble in de origginal version written by King James.

Instead, he is gonna do the followin.

1. Say "I fink dat de ordinnariate is a wonderfull fing and it wuold be a good fing if de Magic Circus bishops didnt keep tryin to pioson Monsingors Newtton, Burnnham and Broahdurst."
2. Dress up in a shabby siut and go to de Mass.
3. Get his spiritaul nuorishment from Twiter.

Damain sure was aged by bein in prisson. Dis is what he looks like now.

Actaully, we aint feelin very happy wiv Damain right now. It turns out dat before he was arressted he made anuvver trip to Lost Angels to research his new book on dognut addiction (dat's why on Twiter dey calls him "Holey Snack"). He didnt even tell Bosco and me dat he was gonna be there, so he missed out on all de delihgts of minglin with saved poeple. Why even Anti Moly had planed to take him to a gin pallace. We is all deeply offendded.

Bosco has ressumed de BOSCO FOR POP campaing. He finks dat de best way to make himself poppular wiv Cathlics is to prettend he is Gerrman like de Pop. De only Gerrmans he knows about are de Nazzis, so he dressed himself up like a Nazzi and went into de street to make a speech, he fuoght it would go well like dem Nurrenbug Relays.

"Follow me gut pople and you vill be saved," said my dere bruvver Bosco. "Ze Pop is an old man, und it is time dat ve had a new Foorer who vill torcher dem what aint saved. Heil Bosco!"

De pollice explaned politly to Bosco (by hittin him wiv dere battons) dat Nazzis are not very poppular dese days. Bosco told dem dat secrettly de Pop hid Hittler in de Vattican when de war ended in 1945. Dat didnt make any diference, de pollice carried on hittin my bruvver Bosco.

My Anti Moly says dat when she was yuong she was engagged to Herrman Gorring, but she fuoght he was a bit of a windbag and broke off de engaggement. Dis is one of de ironnies of histry, cos if my Anti had been less fussy, dere mihgt have been no World War 2.

Dis is a pitcher of de man wot frew himself at Anti's feet.