This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday 26 September 2015

The fable of the mediocre shepherd

Once upon a time there lived a group of shepherds, whose leader was a man called Vincent. These shepherds had the care of various flocks of sheep, having been told to guide them and keep them safe. However, there were never totally agreed on how this should best be done.

Vincent Nichols and crook

"I am the mediocre shepherd."

Now it came to pass that there was to be a World Shepherds' Conference, also known as a Synod, to which Vincent was invited. The shepherds were going to decide on the best way to keep their sheep saved. Some of the world's worst shepherds (many of whom had lost half their sheep to the wolves) would be there: old "Godless" Danneels of the Mafia Club, whose sheep usually found themselves at the bottom of a lake wearing concrete boots; "Lozza" Baldisseri, who did not want the shepherds to read books; "Rhino" Marx the wolf in shepherd's clothing; and so on.

Pope Francis and sheep

A very important shepherd.

Vincent had his own ideas on how to look after sheep, which involved them getting involved in activities normally condemned in the Shepherds' Bible. However, in order to promote "honest dialogue" as a "process of discernment" - and lots of other phrases that weak leaders use when they can't rely on their own principles - he had a brilliant idea: ASK THE SHEEP HOW THEY SHOULD BE GUIDED.

wolf in sheep's clothing

"As a member of ACTA, I support Shepherd Vincent's initiative."

Replies flooded in from the sheep, as well as certain wolves, hyenas and jackals who thought their own votes would be helpful:

"Let the sheep wander freely into the swamps."

"Hold special "massings" of the sheep to which wolves are also invited."

"Do not feed the sheep on grass, but let them devour other sheep."

Kasper and Danneels

"Do you think that the horse's head in the Pope's bed will be persuasive, Wally?"

Anyway, Vincent was incredibly impressed by the wisdom of his sheep, although their views went totally against the advice given by the original Good Shepherd. He vowed to recommend these new ideas to the Synod. Meanwhile, some of the wiser sheep began to be very worried...

19 comments:

  1. How can the Vatican continue to appoint leaders who do not want to lead?What's the point? Asking the sheep where they would like to pasture is not leadership and shepherding.

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  2. I think you missed the bit where sheep from other flocks could pay £3 to join Vin's and offer him advice on how they should be guided.

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  3. I thought his name was Godfreed, from the Vernacular word meaning "freed from God".

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  4. Am I allowed to say it was the wise shepherds who said, "Let's get the flock out of here?"

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  5. I blame global warming and income inequality.

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  6. Sublimely funny! this blog is an absolute gem

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  7. One can only comment with a sheepish grin.

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  8. I think you meant global fawning, didn't you Eccles?

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  9. One way to control the flock is. of course, Baaaa Coding

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  10. Typo: feeble mediocre shepherds

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  11. The basic problem is woolly thinking shepherds.

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  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  13. Was it St. Athanasius who said that the road to hell is paved with the skulls of bishops?

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    Replies
    1. St Crysostom, in fact. After that, he was never invited to bishops' parties.

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  14. Thanks everyone for kind comments above. We should invite some trolls in to redress the balance.

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    Replies
    1. Edvard Greig wrote the appropriate dance music for the entrance of the Trolls.

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  15. I'd like to volunteer to be a Troll, Captain Mainwaring

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