"I did not meet the Forces of Darkness" claims Corbyn

There was further embarrassment for Jeremy Corbyn today over his dubious friendships, which apparently already include the IRA, Hamas, Hezbollah, and indeed almost any organization hating the UK. For it was claimed that Jezza had had amicable relationships with the Prince of Darkness and his minions.

Mephistopheles and Corbyn in negotiations.

Said Mr Corbyn, "No, I never met Mephistopheles, well, that is to say, yes we did have tea together, but we never negotiated the sale of my soul. You see, my adviser Diane Abbott had trouble getting to grips with the proposed financial arrangements. Anyway, all our discussions were aimed at promoting peace between the Forces of Good and the Forces of Evil. All right, I did go on a march in support of Satan, but I have a certain sympathy for him as a fallen angel; he tells me that he is excluded from Heaven by God, who is obviously a Tory, since He refuses to treat all people equally."

Was Jeremy Corbyn also an adviser to Stalin in the early 1950s?

Meanwhile, Theresa May is still expecting to win the General Election with her hard-hitting slogan "I may be a ghastly old bat, but at least I'm not Jeremy Corbyn."

Hillary demands back her soul

Following her unsuccessful campaign to be the first woman president of the United States of America, Hillary Clinton has sent a stern e-mail to the demon Mephistopheles demanding the return of her soul.

A young Hillary negotiates a deal for her soul.

The arrangements promised by the demon included the presidency for her husband (delivered), all the women he wants for her husband (delivered, although some of the women weren't too keen), vast quantities of money to be spent on anything she chose (delivered, via the Clinton Foundation), and finally the presidency for herself (not delivered).

"I did not have sexual relations with those 500 women."

Many people had suspected that Hillary's soul was no longer her own, having seen her fanatical hatred for unborn children - and her support of the Plant Parenthood "Buy your loved one some baby parts for Christmas" organization - the disgusting "Spirit Cooking" habits of her friends (unmentionable in a blog like this, which is read by innocent children and priests), and her general dishonesty.

That embarrassing moment when your dinner guests insist on discussing politics.

So what went wrong? Well, there came into the world a modest, virtuous, chaste, and holy being called St Donald of Trump, who fought the evil dragon Hillary and captured the presidency from her. He thus made America great again, and brought the dawn of a new era of prosperity and world peace, and an end to famine and disease. (I've copied this from a press release, but I am sure that St Donald is being scrupulously honest here).

However, demons are completely unreliable, and should not be trusted, and so it is unlikely that poor Hillary will get a refund.

St Donald of Trump slays the dragon.

As a side-effect, we learn that Fr James Martin SJ has finally "got religion" - at least his reaction to the events was to say "Lord, have mercy!"

Suol for sale

Well, after yesterdday's news, we fuoght dat Bosco had got it made. Mr Mepphisto was prepared to buy Bosco's suol in exchange for supplyin him with unlimmited wealth, girls, and cement doves. But Mepphisto decidded to do some market resaerch, viz readin Bosco's luvvly blogg, and so he withdrew de offer, sayin "Ho hum, it seems dat we is gonna be getting your suol in de end, anyways." You just can't trust devills, can you?

Dis has blown a big hole in Bosco's spendin plans, as de econommists say, and means dat his idea of retirin to a troppical paradise wiv some concupines has got to be put on hold. A pity, as I had been readin de brochures, and I fuond just de place for him.

Still, suols is worth monney, so Bosco decidded to put his on Ebbay. We was gonna adverttise it as "A simple soul," but it seems dat dere's a Fluabert chap who is also sellin his, so we got compettition.

We aint got many offers yet for dis valauble commoddity of Bosco's.

Now Anti Moly has been complainin about possums on de roof and a clique of traddy Cathlic sockpoppets under de bed. Dey is keepin her awake until 5 a.m. every nihgt, so she aint got nuffin to do but take a bottle of gin and start bloggin. De doctor said it was Dellirium Tremendous, but Anti insisted dat she was as sober as a newt, so we looked under her bed, and out crawled Bosco. He had been feelin so humilliated dat he went and hid dere. Dont worry, dere bruvver Bosco, we will find a buyer for your suol.

"I told you dat dere was somefink under my bed," screeched Anti Moly, althuogh in fact Bosco is as far from bein a traddy Cathlic as it is possible to be wivvout actaully wearin a bone thruogh de nose and doin humman scarifices (Bosco dont do that no more, cos he is saved). Later on we looked on de roof as well, and dere was indeed a possum jumpin up and down.

Anti Moly finks dat it will make a very nice pie, she reely appreciattes Austrialan wildlife.

Bosco wants to sell his suol

My bruvver Bosco is allways short of monney, as he aint never been able to hold down a proper job. De last one dat he had was some contract work for Richard Dakwins, he was bein employed to sneak into Cathlic churhces and spray rude slogans on de walls, like "All preists is pevrets" and "Git lost Mary," also he was paintin false mousetaches on de statues of Jessus dat Cathlics like kissin. Dis is called thoelogical dialogg.

While he was doin dis usefull work, Bosco met a stranger who said "Ullo, bruvver, my name is Mepphisto, and I finks I mihgt have an offer dat wuold interrest you. I sees from your work dat you got all de rihgt quallificatoins."

You may say dat dis Mepphisto is a funny-lookin chap, but when you comppares him wiv my Anti Moly you sees dat he's quite handdsome reely.

Bosco he came back very excitted, and said, "Dis Mepphisto guy he is a saved pusson, as he says dat he knows both Jessus and Sattan, dat means he's got freinds in both Heaven and Hell. We's reely gonna cleen up here, Eccles."

Mepphisto sure was offerin a very good deal, as all Bosco gotta do is to promisse him his suol when he dies, and before dat Bosco can have riches, girls, and as many cemment doves as he wants.

Bosco aint had much luck with girls lately, here he is tryin to chat up a girl in de Calumny Chappel, she dont seem to be very impressed by his eloqquence.

De odd fing about de conttract is dat it gotta be singed in Bosco's own blood. We is gonna consult our laywers, Cuttley, Buttley and Muttley, to see whevver dis is a standard leggal proceddure.

I was askin Bosco about dis iddea of sellin your suol to de Devill, cos we can't see any catch in it. Bosco keeps tellin me dat he knows Jessus, He came into Bosco's life when he was on a bus, and said "Ullo, where is you goin, young man?" Dis changed Bosco's life for good, he knew dat he was a saved pusson, and he got off de bus and went off to buy a clown cosstume. Jessus shouted after him "Oi! You aint paid for your tickett," which is a message we is still tryin to unnderstand.

So since Bosco is saved, he says dere aint no harm in gettin a good price for his suol since he aint gonna need it much. By de same token, he said I should try and sell my brane as I aint usin it, I dont fink dats a nice fing for a big bruvver to say, Bosco.

Meanwhile, Bosco is havin truoble understandin Cathlic festivvals. Farver Arfur explaned dat we is now in Advent, which is de seasson when we preppares for de birth of Christ by kissin lotsa statues of Mary. Also we reconciles ourselfs wiv our ennemies (for example, by sendin dem piosoned boxes of chocollates).

Bosco and me is finkin of sendin out Chrisstmas cards to all our friends, but it aint easy to find a good dessign, as some of dem has got Mary and Josseph on so dey is gravven images and makes Bosco lose controll. Still, we got two cards dat we quite likes, and here dey is.

Dat's a Calumny Chappel approved Labm (becuase Bosco and me, we follows de Labm).

Dat's baby Jessus on a donkkey. He has told Mary to git lost cos she is a sinner and aint saved. Bosco explaned dis to me.