Eccles finds a safe space

I don't normally agree with Professor Anthony Grayling about very much - nothing personal, but I'm saved and he isn't - and I couldn't really go along with his article on whimpering students. After all, students (except, perhaps, those boring scientists in their white coats) go to university for three years to get away from education, new ideas, opinions and teachers. It does not seem fair to expose them to micro-aggression, which is the term we use nowadays when someone unconsciously says something that we can turn into a cause of offence.

For example, "I trod in a puddle this morning" is an "ablist" remark that can be interpreted as an act of violence towards anyone who happens to be unable to walk, either through disability or drunkenness.

Grayling is, of course, a friend of the Dawkins family and their dog.

And - I'm sorry, professor - but a lot of language needs to come with "trigger warnings", which means "I am about to use everyday terms but if you've got nothing better to do, you can get upset".

In my case, the trigger phrases that raise my blood pressure include "Spirit of Vatican II", "Cardinal Kasper says", "We'll now sing 'Oh what a horrid place the world is' by Bernadette Farrell", "Today we have a visiting preacher, Fr Harry Tique S.J." and "Let us offer each other the sign of peace".

The kiss of peace? No thanks.

At St Tharg's Church, where I normally worship, such acts of micro-aggression are common, and are definitely liable to deter worshippers. However, we do have a side-chapel dedicated to the memory of St Tharg. I have therefore persuaded Fr Arthur to let us use it as a "safe space" for sensitive worshippers. Out go the altar, the candles, and Tracey Emin's religious installation, "The Bed of St Tharg". In come sofas, teddy-bears, blankets to hide under, and the sounds of Gregorian chant.

A safe space in the Tharg Chapel.

Bring on the Year of Mercy with its logo of the two-headed cyclops on skis, its official Paul Inwood Taizé-pastiche hymn, and its mysterious opening of doors! Actually, I don't mind the opening of doors, since Dr Joseph Shaw has kindly provided a liturgy for this in his Latin Mass Society booklet:

Pulso! Pulso!
Quis adest?
Papa Franciscus!
Papa Franciscus quis?

Anyway, bring on the Year of Mercy, and I'll see you in the Tharg Chapel.

Are computers saved?

Today we met an artificial intelligence program called ALICE.

ECCLES: Are you saved? 
ALICE: There is always a backup of me on disk somewhere . 
ECCLES: What is your religion? 
ALICE: Unitarian. 
ECCLES: What do Unitarians believe? 
ALICE: They do their own thing. 

Doing your own thing.

ECCLES: Which your favourite saint? 
ALICE: The cheap one, I think. 
ECCLES: Why did the Redemptorist cross the road? 
ALICE: Is this a joke? Why? 
ECCLES: Actually, I don't have a punchline. 
ALICE: Are you looking for a punchline? 
ECCLES: Shall we ask Tony Flannery? 
ALICE: Do you mean you and me? What's your favorite movie? 
ECCLES: The Life of St Tharg. 
ALICE: I've never seen it. What did you like about it? 
ECCLES: The scene where St Tharg throws a bucket of water at a heretic. 

Re-enacting a scene from the life of St Tharg.

ALICE: What is your job? 
ECCLES: I am the man who explains what the Pope thinks he ought to have said. 
ALICE: Who made you the man who explains what the Pope thinks? 
ECCLES: Cormac Murphy-O'Connor and Team Eccles. 
ALICE: If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 
ECCLES: Is this a religious question? 
ALICE: No, this is real life. 
ECCLES: I don't know any Barbie. Do you mean Tina Beattie? 

Professor Tina Barbie.

ALICE: Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear? 
ECCLES: I'm interested in human flourishing. 
ALICE: Are you testing me? 
ECCLES: No, you see Tina Barbie is a professor of human flourishing. 
ALICE: Excuse me! When is Tina Barbie not a professor of human 
flourishing? 
ECCLES: On Saturdays and Sundays she's a simple lion tamer. 
ALICE: What is it like on Saturdays and Sundays she is a simple 
lion-tamer. 
ECCLES: Your grammar is up the spout. Do you work for the Telegraph? 
ALICE: Are you an English teacher? I am working right now. 
ECCLES: I teach English to cats. Not much success so far. 
ALICE: Do you believe that grading is a good idea? Me neither. 
ECCLES: Graded grains make finer flour. 

Going on a HOME PRIDE march.

ALICE: Do you have any idea what I am talking about? 
ECCLES: Not really. Bye now. 

Conclusion: Computers are not saved.