This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Thursday, 23 April 2015

The Scottish bishops disaster

By William McGonagall
'Twas in the year twenty-fifteen
That strange events in Scotland were seen:
The Nationalists' hopes began to burgeon
Because of a bonnie wee lass called Sturgeon,
Who was bound to do well in the General Election
Because of a mood of disaffection.
McGonagall poster
The Catholic bishops were all very fine,
Except perhaps for Keith O'Brien.
Of the rest I would mention especially
Philip Tartaglia and Leo Cushley.
Devine was divine, and as for Toal,
There was quite a high chance of saving his soul.
Cushley and Salmond

Trouble ahead: Leo Cushley makes a new friend.

But 'tis often thought that Catholics
Should be careful when dabbling in politics.
Bishops, you may write your flock a note
But don't tell 'em exactly how to vote.
When making our choice most think it better
To ignore the tedious "Bishops' Letter".
Bishops' letter
Alas! The bishops had been gammoned
By Nicola Sturgeon and Alex Salmond.
They fell into a hopeless passion,
And expressed themselves after this fashion:
"She may have got enormous feet,
But her voice is low and sweet -
Aye, she's a' the world to me;
And for bonnie leftie Nicky 
I'd lay me doon and dee!"
Nicola Sturgeon

Bonnie Leftie Nicky.

I must now conclude my lay,
And tell the world what many men say.
Bishops are blessed, and they know how to pray,
But in Scotland, as in England, they
Sometimes don't take care what they say.
Respectfully, I warn the episcopal classes:
"Your conduct sometimes rather crass is.
Worship God, and say your Masses,
But don't trust any political lasses,
Or people will say you're a bunch of asses!"

Wiser than some bishops.


  1. This has to be one of your best, Eccles.,
    I gave me quite an outburst of chuckles,
    The bishops, I'm sure
    Will find it a chore
    And probably chew on their knuckles.

  2. Oh they care what they say
    So long as its not
    and surely quite different
    from the southern lot

    South of the beck
    like “nicky” and “ eck”

  3. Bravo, Eccles - a splendid McGonagall pastiche, and spot on the mark!