This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday, 25 May 2020

Church of England goes on strike

The background for those who don't know it: Dominic Cummings, an adviser to Boris Johnson, took his child to Durham during the lockdown. Depending on whom you listen to, his reward should either be a knighthood, or an execution on Tower Hill. All shades of opinion in between are possible.

David Walker tweet

"I thank God that I am not a sinner like Mr Cummings."

Led by Dr Worzel Gummidge, Bishop of Manchester, the Church of England bishops have finally agreed on an issue for the first time since 1558 - Dominic Cummings must go! And they're cross, they're very cross - unless he does go, they will refuse to cooperate with the government!

Apparently the decision was reached by a ZOO conference - this is a bit of software that allows you to see lots of little cages on your screen, each containing a bishop. The "Cummings out" doctrine has proved so popular that it is likely to become the 40th article of Faith, with a wording something like:

Article XL: That DOMINIC CUMMINGS is denounced as a wicked and vexatious person, who ran rings round us over Brexit. Accordingly we curse him, reject all his works, and condemn him as an evil spirit.

Worzel Gummidge

After 2 months of lockdown, Dr Gummidge could do with a haircut.

So, if Cummings isn't going(s), what will the strike mean? No more bishops lounging around in the House of Lords, no more writing stiff letters to the Guardian about how ghastly Boris is, no more invitations for cabinet ministers to attend agreeable sherry parties, no more praying. Well, praying has more-or-less stopped anyway, since the churches are closed, and the Anglican bishops are anxious not to reopen them for the forseeable future (unlike the Catholic bishops who consider the churches to be the House of God).

Vincent Nichols

Rare praise for Vincent Nichols!

In fact the only senior member of the Church of England administration who has ever been known to collaborate usefully with the government is the Supreme Governor herself, Queen Elizabeth, age 94. So far she has not told us whether she is also going on strike, but maybe Bishop Worzel knows.

Henry VIII

You never saw me going on strike!


  1. "!558" should be "1559," since in that year all the bishops agreed to reject the Elizabethan regime's intention to break with Rome and embrace Protestantism.

  2. Quite , that was one of the few occasions when they stood up to the State.

    1. Ah, but these were the last genuine Roman Catholic bishops until... (Hint, hint!)

    2. Genuine bishops also. The true successor to Reginald Pole is Vincent Nichols.

    3. In which case somebody should go and dig pole up! His relics would be a damn site more useful than his successor!

  3. Perhaps, in the spirit of her predecessor - also of her namesake - our Queen would like to strike (geddit?)some episcopal heads off.

  4. Eccles,take care - lockdown in the Tower is no joke!

  5. Didn't the Church in England go on strike on 3rd November 1534 ?