This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday, 23 May 2020

World Cup of Liturgical Abuses - the runners

In the end we collected 45 liturgical abuses of one sort and another - if you don't think something is a LA, then you don't need to vote for it - and the World Cup of Liturgical Abuses will start on Twitter on Monday May 25th. Because of the awkward number of entrants, there will be some qualifying rounds to get through first (it will probably take me until Monday to work out how this is organized).

In the end, you may vote for LA you have witnessed, as well as ones you haven't. How can I stop you?

By the way, my score is now 20.

Altar servers in trainers and hoodies
Mass with sheep
Asperges guns
Audience responses in the homily
Bad cantors
Bad hymns
Bare feet
Blessings from EMHC
Changing words in the liturgy
Communion in the hand
Copies of Tablet in church
Dancing priests
Everyone sitting throughout
Extra prayers from congregation
Felt banners
Female altar-servers
Flash cards in the homily
"Good morning, Father"
guitar Mass
Guitars, etc.
Holding hands in the Our Father
Homily in the aisle
Homily given by laity
Introducing ourselves to our neighbours
LGBT glitter ash
LGBT glitter ash
Liturgical dancing
Non-Biblical readings, e.g. Vat II documents
Notices lasting too long
Orans position for the Our Father
Ordinary bread consecrated
Priest next to boyfriend during readings
Priest without vestments
Priest with coloured shirt
Rainbow flags
roller-skating angels
Roller-skating angels
Secular music
Sign of peace
Singing Happy Birthday
Standing for the consecration
Standing to end of Communion

May the worst abuse win!

For those who really want to know, this is the draw for the qualifying round. Two go through from each heat, which, with the 18 that were given a bye, makes 32 survivors for the main competition.

1 Guitars, etc.
1 Singing Happy Birthday
1 Dancing priests
1 Idols
2 Felt banners
2 Animals
2 Blessings from EMHC
2 Audience responses in the homily
3 Extra prayers from congregation
3 Everyone sitting throughout
3 Introducing ourselves to our neighbours
3 LGBT glitter ash
4 Altar servers in trainers and hoodies
4 Non-Biblical readings, e.g. Vat II documents
4 Copies of Tablet in church
4 Clapping
5 Notices lasting too long
5 Female altar-servers
5 Rainbow flags
5 Sign of peace
6 Clowns
6 Standing for the consecration
6 Orans position for the Our Father
6 Asperges guns
7 Standing to end of Communion
7 Priest with coloured shirt
7 Homily given by laity
Also, it came too late to be included, but an honourable mention for this video, sent in by Hilary White. "Commentators"!

Oh all right, put that into group 7, which is already one short.


  1. Replies
    1. I've got you beat Hilary! I count 26, and I didn't even count 'copies of the Tablet'. Never seen that in the States, but I have seen the National 'Catholic' Distorter and Sinn Fein papers!

  2. My number's 16, and that's just from the occasional wedding/funeral/first Communion. Voting may be tough because really they're all worst. But I'll give it my best.

  3. I've tried (very hard) to start counting, but, HONESTLY, I CANNOT stop LAUGHING !!!

    I really MUST have a good read of VAT TWO Documents. That should stop me laughing.

  4. Must have led a very sheltered (and blessed) life as a Catholic... only 17 and that's simply because of all the school Masses I've had to sit through, as well as occasional visits to the Cathedral...

  5. I wondered what a Commentator was too. I don't think I have seen one of those. I am surprised that arm waving conducting by someone up on the altar has not been included in the list. An unnecessary distraction. In my parish we are all capable of singing in unison the Credo, Gloria, etc without the aid of a 'demented windmill' up front. Yet in some parishes even the simplest of hymns has to be accompanied by an arm waver.

  6. I'm counting my blessings. I've been at this parish for approximately 17 years and count only to 11 (and a couple-- the IGMR specifically authorizes felt banners, I'm fairly certain, in a footnote somewhere-- I can't conscientiously count as abuse, as much as I'd like to). Am not going to revisit the trauma of the Jesuit parishes etc pre-2000 for the sake of anybody's World Cup. Sorry, Eccles. :-)

  7. Pope Francis calls priest while he is celebrating Mass, reading the Gospel, priest takes call, pauses Mass to give Pope a round of applause.

  8. I made it to 29. I wish I lived a more sheltered life.

  9. Yay! I've been looking forward to another Eccles World Cup. The options are agone though. In each round I'd like to vote for about two or three!

  10. 21 from parishes in the UK and Canada

  11. All but asperges guns, because we don't have asperges.

  12. Vatican synods, once a bracing slap in the face of Tradition, are now passe & predictable. Inspired by #WCLA, the Vatican presents its new game show: What’s My Liturgical Abuse? hosted by infamous liturgist Hannibale “Lector” Bugsbunni.

    Game rules: Lector must discern each contestant’s Liturgical Abuse and its pew-emptying potential for social distancing.
    1. Team Martin-McCarrick. Architects of Building Bridges (Erector Set not included).
    Lector seemed stumped by their abuse of 12 Dancing Rainbow Men.

    2. Jack Ripper. London M.E. & Prostitution Reformer.
    Lector pronounced no judgement upon Mr. Ripper’s abuse which involved several Dancing Deaconettes, 4 muddy idols, & an Asperges squirt gun.

    3. Team Gates-Soros who cleverly claimed the right to remain silent (The Dubia Defense).

    Finally Lector announced: “I’ll bite. Top Prize goes to our entire network of Population Control & Liturgical Abuse experts. That should empty plenty of pews.
    Say, where are all those Trad Catholics headed now...?