This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday, 11 September 2021

The Book of Covidicus 19: Bosis's popularity waneth

Continued from Chapter 18.

1. Thus, after the children of Bri-tain were given their freedom, they passed forty days and forty nights enjoying the rain that droppeth from Heaven in the summer.

2. Or possibly fifty days and fifty nights, for all the days were alike.

3. The children of Bri-tain could now go out into the streets and the markets without masks, provided that they did not mind the occasional cries of "WEAR A MASK THOU FASCIST! THOU HAST KILLED MY FAMILY! MY LIFE AND HAPPINESS HAVE BEEN STOLEN!"

Balgian minister struggling with mask

"Alas, this mask beareth no instructions."

4. Also, many had received the vixen that protecteth man from all diseases, and were therefore awarded the title of "first class citizen".

5. Those who refused the vixen, perhaps because they thought it was evil, or they thought it was useless, or they thought it was dangerous, became second-class citizens.

6. They were forced to carry a bell with them, which they rang, and to cry "UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!" as they walked through the streets feeding on scraps of rotten food.

7. Although Bo-sis had promised that there would be no preference given to those who had received the vixen, neither would there be passports that they could carry.


Criminals guilty of vax evasion.

8. Also, there was a shortage of people to drive the ox-carts on which food was delivered. Thus, there was no food in the markets (although it mostly seemed to affect those people who had voted to remain in EU-gypt).

9. Still, life was even worse in other lands. In the land of Australis, where men walk upon their heads, all the people were locked in their homes, and the officers of the law, like unto a roaring wallaby, walked about, seeking whom they might devour.

10. Even in the land of EU-gypt, where man could no longer feast on the leg of the snail and the frog, or possibly the other way round, the people suffered much. Many crossed the Red Sea in small boats, that they might come to the promised land of Bri-tain, which flowed with milk and honey (deliveries permitting).

11. Then Bo-sis had a new idea, that all the children of Bri-tain should be taxed (as well as vaxed).

12. For he said, "We must protect the National Health Service, that hath saved so many lives. For if thou sufferest from the plague, then all thou needst do is to call them, and they will tell thee how to make an Intensive Care Unit using a lawnmower and a bicycle pump in thy garden shed. For it is too dangerous for a doctor to see thee.

13. And now these people need our money, that they may appoint more managers, equality and diversity officers, and dancing coordinators.

Boris and social care

Bo-sis prepareth to deliver "social care".

14. Also we shall see that no man payeth more than six-and-eighty gold pieces for care in his old age: for we shall kill him when the money is spent."

15. And the people began to mutter "Mayhap Keir, chief of the Labourites, is not much more useless than Bo-sis."

Continued in Chapter 20.


  1. Speaking of diversity officers…


    Fr. Yossarian was on the horns of a dilemma. Like all military chaplains left stranded in Afghanistan, he was ordered to take the experimental Covid-Jab in order to be airlifted with the airmen entrusted to him.

    Fr. Yossarian knocked on the office door of his Chief Chaplain: Sorry to interrupt your yoga, Sir, but I need you to sign off on my religious exemption request to refuse the Covid-Jab.

    Chief Chaplain: Depends on the Chain of Command.

    Fr. Yossarian: Whose chain shall I pull...Bergoglio or Biden’s?

    Chief Chaplain: Same difference. Either way, you’ll be committed to Psy-Op Institute.

    Fr. Yossarian: To be classified insane & not allowed to remain military chaplain?

    Chief Chaplain: That’s Catch-Covid-22.

    Fr. Yossarian: Catch-Covid-22?

    AFC Milo Mindbender looks up from his desk: Catch-Covid-22 specifies that taking Covid-Jab to escape Afghanistan would be the process of a rational mind.

    Fr. Yossarian: So I’d be sane to take Covid-Jab?

    Milo Mindbender: Right. But you would also be insane to take a forced & failing Covid-Jab on Biden & Bergoglio’s orders.

    Fr. Yossarian: Is there a Sanity Clause?

    Milo Mindbender: I don’t believe in Sanity Clause. However, you could become a procurement officer for CCP Black Market Belt & Road Armaments, Inc.

    Chief Chaplain: Or be reassigned as Chaplain of Taliban Ecumenism, Equity, & Diversity.

    Fr. Yossarian: Now that would be insane.

  2. Yummmm. Leg of the snail or the frog (in either order) sounds equally tasty!