This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday, 8 January 2013

Oscott College bans Latin

Royal Oscott

"Ordain a lady" demonstrators invade Royal Oscott.

Seminarians at St Mary's College, Oscott (Birmingham) have been told that from now on all use of Latin is forbidden. As a spokesman said, "We keep getting bombarded with odd messages from the Pope, and we don't understand half of them. What's a Summorum Pontificum when it's at home? Is it the same as a Motu Proprio? And what's the difference between that and a Fiat Lux? We keep getting e-mails from the Vatican with obscure subjects such as Felix dies Nativitatis and Benedictus qui venit in nomine Domini, but we've been deleting them, in case it meant we had to do something."

Harry Potter

Harry Potter (seen here casting a spell) is also banned.

As one seminarian explained, the edict against Latin is so strict that students are forbidden to read Harry Potter novels in their spare time, since they contain strange Latinate words such as Accio and Crucio, which also double as magic spells. Indeed, it is believed that the institutional opposition to Latin began when one of the trainee priests accidentally said Levicorpus to Mgr Mark Crisp, the rector; as a result, the good monsignor was forced to participate in Mass while floating upside-down a few feet above the ground. Even in the Novus Ordo this is considered to be something of a faux pas.

Flying bishops

Flying bishops - an Anglican innovation.

Fanatical Latin-loving seminarians are even now planning to appeal to the Archbishop of Birmingham, Bernard Longley. They intend to demonstrate outside St Chad's Cathedral with banners saying QUID VOLUMUS? MISSA LATINA! and QUANDO EAM VOLUMUS? NUNC! Unfortunately, it is unlikely that anybody in Birmingham will know what they are talking about.


  1. Except Don Bosco...(the uvver one...)...who's visiting St Chad's Cathedral at the moment.....

  2. Better not quote odi et amo at hem, they might fink you had a gun xx Jess

  3. My friend Rita Skeetr has a full list of names of the Bishops on the Advisory Committee that turned down the request. They are headed by Archbishop Warlock, and Basilisk Hume and were apparently contacted via the Mirror of Erised. It is rumoured that one of the horcruces required to reactivate He Who Must Not Be Named is hidden in a copy of the Liber Chachachalis in the library at Oscott. If it is ever recovered, Cardinal Boggartnini will return.

  4. I don't know - those frightfully conservative students wanting to return to all that Latin Mumbo Jumbo. In the good old Vatican II days all seminarians wanted to do was break bread on their knees and smoke marijuana. How times have changed

    Perhaps the seminary authorities declined the students' request as they feared they might end up conjugating all over the place.

  5. One thing bothers me about this post. I can't find the reference to Moany Tony's headwear. Unless those are Anglican deaconesses in the first picture, and he is standing just behind them.

    1. Good point, Jaddis. Perhaps wot dis blogg needs is more articles about deacons.