This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Sunday, 17 January 2016

Catholic thanksgiving prayers for the Reformation

Following the issue of joint Catholic-Lutheran prayers of thanksgiving for the Reformation, we are pleased to publish further prayers along these lines, including some that are better adapted to use by the Catholic Church in England and Wales.
O Lord our Governor,
But not Supreme Governor, as that's the Queen,
We thank You for the life of King Henry VIII;
For his inspiring model as a loving King and Husband,
Divorced, Beheaded, Died, Divorced, Beheaded, Survived:
May we all aspire to such an achievement.
Henry VIII

All Catholics venerate this man.

We give thanks for the martrydom of St Thomas More,
Who probably enjoyed the experience.
And the same goes for St John Fisher.
Also for the dissolution of the monasteries,
Which encouraged the monks to die off, or to get proper jobs.
An act that gave us so many charming National Trust properties 
   to visit,
When we have nothing to do on Sundays.
Cardinal Koch

Cardinal Koch with a new disposable edition of the Bible.

In a spirit of ecumenism, we also give thanks for the mass slaughter,
Given to us by thy servants,
Edward VI, Mary I and Elizabeth I,
For the wonder that was the Tudors, if You'll excuse the pun.
Although in those days they didn't realise than burning people
Might lead to climate change.
Still, they knew that they were doing Your will
By killing off all the people who actually believed in something.
A policy not needed these days, at least not in Europe!
Martin Luther in a silly hat

Martin Luther - founder of modern Catholicism.

We also give thanks for the wisdom of Martin Luther.
He had many good qualities, not least a really cool hat.
Also when he called the Pope a "pompous toad with smelly feet",
He was merely leading the way to modern theological debate.
You should hear what they say about Pope Francis,
Although, being God, You may already know.
Well, there You are then!
Spanish Inquisition

Thank God for the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith!

Finally we give thanks for the effects of the Reformation 
   throughout Europe.
Many were driven into exile or were blessed with martyrdom;
Which can't be bad, can it?
And, as the Anglican Communion falls apart before our eyes,
We pray for new schisms. 
Although please spare comedians such as Giles Fraser.
Ecumenical matter

Two Catholic priests discuss the new prayers.


  1. When do Nero, Decius and Diocletian get their prayers? I think a litany would be in order.

    As for Luther, unless Tetzel gets the same rehabilitation, I'm not playing.

  2. In these days, when martyrs are dying out, a new Reformation is well overdue. Saint Corbyn the Saviour will lead us out of the land of democracy into the promised land of Kim Jong-un.

    A time for peace, when we can bury the past and Isis the Christians, (May Jeremy praise them. amen)

    PS Bit of a Koch-up altogether

  3. I don't know why we're all down on Luther.

    I watched the two part series on TV and found it entertaining

  4. Blessed Sr. Serafina Micheli (Beatified in 2011) said that she was given a vision of Luther's fate. He was in hell mainly through the sin of pride and, according to her, is spending his eternity having nails driven into his head by demons. She was shown this on the 4th centenary of his birth in the town of his birth in which the occasion was being widely celebrated and attended by the Kaiser. (Will you tell Francis or shall I?)

    1. But you see, it won't make a difference who tells Pope Francis...don't you know that after a person dies, instead of going to hell, his soul is annihilated?

  5. King Martin Luther was nothing more than a failed German monarch.

  6. Just a serious comment, Eccles old boy: I wonder if one of the difficulties many Traditionalist English Catholics have with the suggested ecumenical prayers for the 500th anniversary reformation commemoration is that the Continentals are focusing on the Lutheran reformation - which was something of a different experience from the Henrician reformation in England? Very hard to see anything positive in the latter, whereas some good did come out of the Continental developments - the Council of Trent, for eg.?

  7. Contrary to popular propaganda Bloody 'Mary 1' wasn't really up to mass slaughter...

    1. Err! Should that be Mass slaughter?
      As LeonG says, "All the comments here are serious."

  8. I think you may have meant Mass Laughter when presbyters tell the commonplace customary joke either after the entrance or at the beginning of the post-Gospel chat with the audience.

  9. Elizabeth disguised her persecutions as being in the name of treason and they were performed in a much more painful way. I would rather die of the smoke of a burning than have my insides pulled out while I was still alive.