This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday 23 January 2016

Bearding the Muslim in his lair

The suggestion by Richard Chartres, Anglican bishop of London, that growing beards can help vicars reach out to Muslims has been eagerly taken up by clerics everywhere. Male and female, vicars have stopped shaving, or, where necessary, rushed off to joke shops to buy Muslim-friendly false beards.

crazy beard

Richard Chartres is not shaved, only Eccles is shaved.

Curiously, this ties in with the experience of St Wilgefortis, a medieval noblewoman who managed to avoid an unwanted marriage by growing a beard. History does not record whether she later managed to reach out to Muslims.

St Wilgefortis

Lovely Wilgefortis.

For us, it is not clear what happens when a vicar "reaches out" to a Muslim. Does the Muslim think "Hmm, Christians are just like us. Time to stop reading the Koran and study Giles Fraser's hard-hitting How to be a Christian without believing very much"? Yes, that must be it. Ayatollah El-Vees at the Guitar Mosque will see congregations dropping as Father Trendy packs the Muslims into his 10 a.m. "Clowns and hoverboards" Mass.

Kate Bottley, maybe

The Rev. Kate Bottley, the "dancing vicar", gets evangelising.

Well, we are all for convertng the Muslims, as it's pretty clear that they've got things wrong from beginning to end. Now is surely the time for Pope Francis to grow a beard - our extensive researches (clicking on Wikipedia) have revealed that the last bearded pope was Innocent XII, who died in 1700, and even his beard wasn't enough to reach out to many Muslims.

Pope Innocent XII

Pope Innocent XII. Not exactly a Rowan Williams, or even a Brian Blessed.

Over to you, Holy Father!

8 comments:

  1. Reckon that Innocent XII was trying to "reach out" to hipsters.

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  2. Pope Julius II, as seen in the Raphael portrait in the National Gallery, sometimes had a beard. Worthy of Father Christmas!

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  3. What happens when, after "Reaching Out" to Muslims, it's found that the Muslims haven't been "Reached" ? Does one then have to "Go The Extra Mile" and stretch a bit further ?

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  4. Did Ramon Lull have a beard? He reached out to Muslims and they Killed him.

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  5. Rowan Williams doesn't need a beard. He has his winged eyebrows. This is absurd. If vicars/priests would become more Christlike instead of Muslim-like, perhaps Muslims would become more Christlike.

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  6. Suppose that a lady vicar were to grow a beard could we take that as a sign of indorsement by the Almighty? Of course it would have to be at least a foot in length and without the aid of any drugs for such to be considered.

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  7. Kissing The Q'uran obviously did nothing so perhaps beards might tickle up relations a bit.

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  8. Apparently, the British Army is going to introduce a scheme whereby officer material who are Muslims can join and not have to wear the uniform. It's called 'Reaching out to the Mufti in mufti.'

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