This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Friday, 29 January 2016

Woman believes she is a bishop

Psychologists are struggling to cope with a wave of "identification" crises. First we saw the case of Bruce Jenner, fathering six children and then deciding that he was really a woman and should be called Caitlin - although to be convinced that he was female we'd really need to see photos of him getting off the sofa and doing the washing up.


Nano the cat.

Next, we saw the Norwegian girl Nano, who said that she was really a cat trapped in a human's body. It is not known whether she lives on a diet of Whiskas and voles, but to be fair, she does claim to hunt mice at night, so maybe she really is a cat. Who are we to judge?

However, another case that has come to our attention strains the limits of credulity even further.

Rachel Treweek

Rachel the bishop.

Rachel Treweek, a 50-something speech therapist, has taken to dressing as a bishop, even referring herself as a "Lord Spiritual" and "Bishop of Gloucester". The UK being a tolerant place, nobody has challenged her when she goes around wearing bishop-clothes, especially as she shows better taste than the American "bishop" Katharine Jefferts Schori.

The case of women self-identifying as bishops is uniquely a late-20th and early-21st century phenomenon. Tell the great theological giants of the 16th century - Luther, St Thomas More, Henry VIII, Cranmer - that a woman could be a bishop, and they would have laughed at you (or, in the case of Henry VIII, cut off your head). Tell Jesus Himself, and He would patiently have sat down and explained the priesthood to you, possibly driving out any demons of which you happened to be possessed.

gender survey

Candidates may attempt not more than three of these.

Ahead of the rest of the world as usual, Brighton school children are now asked to self-identify by gender/sex; so in addition to the perfectly normal male, female, tomboy, transylvanian, tri-gender, hidden agender, and twenty-odd further options, kids will now be able to choose tomcat, moggy, bishop, lord spiritual, and various other combinations. So please be sympathetic to poly-gendered feline bishops.


  1. Normally*, a hidden agender is frowned upon but in this instance, it's not only acceptable but should be positively encouraged.

    * no snide pun intended. Everyone's got their problems after all - it's just that some are more intractable than others.

  2. Bruce now wants to be a mom (just a regular 66 year-old mom with male genitals) because he has so much mom-love to give. He's going to "find" a baby to adopt...the "experts" are currently looking for a baby for Bruce (please pray for the innocent child who ends up in this evil situation).

    Then there's 52 year-old ("Catholic") Canadian mechanic Paul Wolscht who was married with 7 beautiful children but now he's a heavy six-foot 6 year old girl, Stefonknee, with frilly dresses and bangs. Stefonknee has been adopted by her new mommy and daddy and plays with their grandchildren.

    Before Stefonknee was a girl he was a woman. I saw a video of Steffie at Mass where all the people and the priest hugged Paul-Steffie in affirmation of his new woman self. However, it's my personal opinion that the woman Steff did not get much attention - there being so many men turned into women and all - that Paul-Steffie decided to become a 6 year old little girl with bangs and pretty dresses.

    Meanwhile, Paul/Stefonknee feels sorry for himself because his wife made him leave their home. Now he's playing with his adopted mommy and daddy's grandchildren instead of his own beautiful offspring...and they truly are beautiful. Saw a photo of them on the Internet taken back when Paul was a husband and father with a beautiful family.

    1. Susan,

      A clear case of the Diabolical Inverter having a field day. Suffer the wife and children.

  3. Oh my days! purrfect send up of ludicrous identity claims

  4. I do think (and this is a personal view) that wimmin "bishops" have the potential to look quite sexy, the mitre has a kind of medieval lady-at-the-joust vibe, and ladies can "do" colours in a way that we can't. Sadly, the distaff-side prelates on offer so far all look like alligator-wrestlers. Didn't Samantha Fox become born-again, some years ago? She'd make a brilliant bishop. Plus she turned out gay. It's a no-brainer, Justin.

  5. I don't see any problem, as long as she really does dress as a bishop - apron and gaiters.

  6. Whoever formulated those tick box options probably had to be muzzled whilst at school for having an 'overactive imagination'.

    Now in adulthood, one of two remedies remain available for them:

    1. Convince them of the vital truth in the saying of St.Alphonsus Liguori - 'The one who prays is saved. The one who does not pray is lost'.

    Or failing that, it'll have to be a case of,"Nurse,is the liquid cosh ready?"

  7. You can just imagine lots of naughty wee boys in Brighton ticking the Trigender box, in the same way that their parents ticked the Jedi box in the Census. A sort of 'up yours' to officialdom.