This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Thursday, 11 August 2016

Allah! Allah!

The Eccles Broadcasting Corporation (EBC) is pleased to announce a re-make of the the BBC television comedy series 'Allo 'Allo. Set in the year 2045, when the Muslims have taken control of France, the show Allah! Allah! tells the story of René Al-tois, the proprietor of a halal café, the Allahu Hack Bar.

René Artois

René Al-tois.

Although ostensibly on good terms with the Muslim invaders - notably the witless Colonel Salem and Lieutenant Grubaiyat - René is secretly working for the Catholic Resistance. His wife Eid-ith sings Paul Inwood songs in the café; however, nobody recognises them as Catholic music and so she escapes censure. Indeed, she is complimented on the improvement she achieves by her tuneless singing.

Burkha women

The two sexy waitresses in René's café.

The story contains various sub-plots, to do with hiding two prominent British Catholics with posh voices, Patten and Stourton (luckily, nobody seriously believes that they are Catholics); another plot device is the question of the whereabouts of the famous painting The Fallen Monsignor with the big bores, by Christian Van Adams.

Adams cartoon

The Fallen Monsignor.

Finally, we should mention Mullah Flick of the elite iSiS squad, corrupt and incompetent. In the days when President Hollande was in charge of France, it was usual for Islamic attackers to plead insanity, but here we have one who is genuinely un gâteau aux fruits.

Allah! Allah! will be broadcast in the autumn.


  1. MDR( mort de rire)
    Looking forward to the broadcast in Autumn...fallen leaves and priests drifting by my window.
    Eccles ,you are clearly a product of your superior French Catholic education with your literary talent and wit, outshining the likes of Hilaire Bollocks ,Gerard Manly Ferry and Paul Made Inwood...Chapeau!

  2. The way to make Rome come back to the Faith, the only way possible at this time, is to ask Rome to choose another theology in the interpretation of Vatican Council II and the dogma extra ecclesiam nulla salus(EENS): It is all done by replacing the present Cushingite theology with Feeneyite theology

    1. More medication for this one... NURSE, the screens!

    2. In other words...our way is the only know that DOES sound familiar....

  3. A Cushingite theologian

  4. Surelay the cafe should be called the Allahu snack Bar.