The best and the worst

Nothing new here, just a list of the winners of all the world cups we have conducted. I will keep it updated as new competitions are held.

BAD HYMNS November 2018

Gold: Lord of the Dance
Silver: Gather us in
Bronze: Shine, Jesus, Shine
Fourth Place: Kumbayah

Sydney Carter, Marty Haugen and Graham Kendrick.

BAD CARDINALS (I) February 2019

Gold: Blase Cupich
Silver: Reinhard Marx
Bronze: Walter Kasper
Fourth Place: Francesco Coccopalmerio

BAD CATHOLIC JOURNALISTS October 2019

Gold: James Martin
Silver: Austen Ivereigh
Bronze: Massimo Faggioli
Fourth Place: Antonio Spadaro

LITURGICAL ABUSES July 2020

Gold: Idols
Silver: Changing words in the liturgy
Bronze: Communion in the hand
Fourth Place: Consecrating ordinary bread

UGLY CHURCHES November 2020

Gold: St Francis de Sales, Norton Shores, Michigan
Silver: Eglise Sainte Bernadette du Banlay
Bronze: Newman Hall, Holy Spirit, Berkeley
Fourth Place: Parroquia Santa Monica, Rivas-Vaciamadrid

FRANCIS ACHIEVEMENTS September 2021

Gold: Pachamama worship
Silver: Traditionis Custodes
Bronze: Treatment of the church in China
Fourth Place: Rehabilitating Uncle Ted McCarrick

INSTRUMENTS IN HELL March 2022

Gold: Vuvuzela
Silver: Bongo drums
Bronze: Kazoo
Fourth Place: Tambourine

PATRON SAINTS OF ENGLAND May 2022

Gold: Thomas More
Silver: Thomas Becket
Bronze: John Fisher
Fourth Place: John Henry Newman

BAD CARDINALS (II) October 2022

Gold: Blase Cupich
Silver: Arthur Roche
Bronze: Reinhard Marx
Fourth Place: Francesco Coccopalmerio

UNCROWNED SAINTS April 2023

Gold: Pope Leo XIII
Silver: Thomas à Kempis
Bronze: Pope Pius XII
Fourth Place: G.K. Chesterton

ROYAL SAINTS July 2023

Gold: Jadwiga of Poland
Silver: Elizabeth of Hungary
Bronze: Stephen I of Hungary
Fourth Place: Louis IX of France

SYNODAL HORRORS September 2023

Gold: Abp Víctor Fernández
Silver: Fr James Martin
Bronze: Cdl Arthur Roche
Fourth Place: Dr Austen Ivereigh

SYNOD JARGON December 2023

Gold: a new way of being Church
Silver: a kenotic de-centering
Bronze: a listening Church
Fourth Place: respects the protagonism of the Spirit

BAD CATHOLIC WRITERS March 2024

Gold: Víctor Manuel Fernández
Silver: Austen Ivereigh
Bronze: James Martin
Fourth Place: Massimo Faggioli

MISUSED CHURCHES April 2024

Gold: Borgloon (Belgium), Holy cow
Silver: New York, God is trans
Bronze: St Edmundsbury, Masonic dinner
Fourth Place: Rochester, Crazy golf

GREAT CATHOLIC LEADERS June 2024

Gold: Cardinal Sarah
Silver: Cardinal Zen
Bronze: Bishop Schneider
Fourth Place: Cardinal Müller

LATIN MASS LETTER-WRITERS July 2024

Gold: Sir James MacMillan
Silver: Princess Michael of Kent
Bronze: Tom Holland
Fourth Place: Dame Kiri Te Kanawa

BAD HYMNS October 2024

Gold: Mary, did you know?
Silver: Gather us in.
Bronze: All are welcome.
Fourth Place: Lord of the Dance.

SYNODAL JARGON (2024) November 2024

Gold: forgiveness in the name of all the baptised for the sins against synodality
Silver: the principle of circularity that animated the whole synodal process
Bronze: athletes and standard-bearers of synodality
Fourth Place: understanding how to be a synodal church in mission thus passes through a relational conversion

POST-BIBLICAL SAINTS January 2025

Gold: Thomas Aquinas
Silver: Augustine of Hippo
Bronze: Benedict of Nursia
Fourth Place: Teresa of Ávila

SUBJECTS FOR PAPAL DOCUMENTS February 2025

Gold: Abortion and IVF
Silver: Persecution of Christians
Bronze: Same-sex marriage
Fourth Place: Surrogacy

NARNIA POLL April 2025

Gold: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
Silver: The Last Battle
Bronze: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
Fourth Place: Prince Caspian

NAME THAT POPE May 2025

A dead heat between Leo and Gregory.
John and Clement in 3rd and 4th places.

We got Leo right. More-or-less.

PREDICT THE POPE May 2025

Gold: Pizzaballa
Silver: Erdő
Sarah and Eijk in 3rd and 4th places.

We didn't call this one correctly.

UGLY CHURCHES (2nd contest) September 2025

Gold: Newman Hall, Holy Spirit, Berkeley, USA
Silver: Maria, Koenigin des Friedens, Velbert-Neviges, Germany
Bronze: Rosa Aufblasbare Kirche, Vreden, Germany
Fourth Place: St Konrad, Schaffhausen, Switzerland

CONTROVERSIAL SAINTS October 2025

Gold: Pope Paul VI
Silver: Pope John XXIII
Bronze: Oscar Romero
Fourth Place: Carlo Acutis

CATHOLIC CONVERTS May 2026

Gold: St John Henry Newman
Silver: St Edmund Campion
Bronze: St Edith Stein
Fourth Place: G.K. Chesterton

Eight bad Catholic writers

It's quarter-final stage in the World Cup of Bad Catholic Writers. In the previous such competition, in 2019, the dreadful eight were Faggioli, Ivereigh, Lamb, Martin, Rosica, Shea, Spadaro and Winters.

Where are they now? Well, Lamb, Rosica and Spadaro have fallen by the wayside (you must try harder, lads!), but the chamber of horrors has three promising replacements: Fernández, Lewis and Rohr.

So farewell then, Lamb Chop!

And goodbye, Spidero!

Shea - who tells me he is a humble man - is really enjoying this world cup, and voted for himself. But will he be able to go further? The draw is a real killer:

Víctor Manuel Fernández v Mark Shea.

Richard Rohr v Massimo Faggioli.

James Martin v Michael Sean Winters.

Mike Lewis v Austen Ivereigh.

The last match is particularly juicy as I have in stock some new photos of the contestants.

Mike, from the "Where Potato Is" blog.

Austen's a lumberjack and he's OK.

The quarter-finals begin on Monday 12th February.

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RESULTS AS THEY COME IN.

Víctor Manuel Fernández 82.8 v Mark Shea 17.2.

Tucho makes it into the semi-finals. Not surprisingly, cheesy @chezami can't compete with the Pope's favourite pornographer.

Richard Rohr 20.0 v Massimo Faggioli 80.0.

The Babble-on Bean makes his second semi-final. I don't think Rohr has been trying recently.

James Martin 85.1 v Michael Sean Winters 14.9.

Well, it had to be Jimbo, the man they naturally thought of as someone to invite to St Patrick's for the sacrilegious funeral of a "trans woman". MSW can feel no shame at losing to such a character.

Mike Lewis 32.2 v Austen Ivereigh 67.8.

Two very similar characters - rude and stupid. In the end, experience won over youthful ambition. Mike would get the "most promising newcomer" award, except that Tucho has gone further...

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SEMI-FINALS

Víctor Manuel Fernández 64.1 v James Martin 35.9.

Jimbo has been spending much time recently blessing sins, but this was not enough to get him past the porn king.

Massimo Faggioli 19.9 v Austen Ivereigh 80.1.

An easy win for the little man. Beans has been very quiet recently, while Austen is frightening us with the prospect of yet another book about Pope Francis.

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THIRD PLACE PLAYOFF

James Martin 73.4 v Massimo Faggioli 26.6

As expected, Massimo Faggioli, who occasionally has his lucid moments, could not compete with the Jesuit from Hell. Bronze medal for Jim.

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FINAL

Víctor Manuel Fernández 72 v Austen Ivereigh 28

In the end, in this battle between Pope Francis's best friends, it was an easy win for Tucho, and Austen has to settle for the prestigious silver medal.

The World Cup of Bad Catholic Writers - nominations requested

In 2019 we had the World Cup of Bad Catholic Journalists (loosely interpreted as including anyone who scribbled), so now it's time for another. Last time the winners were: GOLD, Martin; SILVER, Ivereigh; BRONZE Faggioli; 4TH PLACE, Spadaro.

The winners last time.

I've changed the title slightly, in the interests of Diversity - remember, as St Paul said: And now there remain equality, diversity and inclusion, these three: but the greatest of these is diversity.

To qualify for this prestigious competition, you need to be (a) alive, (b) Catholic (or claiming to be), and (c) a journalist, blogger, author, ... on Catholic subjects. The referee's decision (mine) is final.

So please let me have nominations. We'll give an automatic place to all those who reached Round 2 last time, as well as a few of my own favourites, and then see who else is nominated: to do this, either reply here or on Twitter. We'll close nominations when I think we're ready to start.

John Allen Jr
Tony Annett
Tina Beattie	 
Liz Bruenig	 
Dean Dettloff	
Massimo Faggioli
Víctor Manuel Fernández
Dawn Eden Goldstein	
Daniel Horan	
Austen Ivereigh	
Christopher Lamb
Mike Lewis
James Martin	
Robert Mickens	
Mike O'Loughlin
Catherine Pepinster	
Thomas Reese	
Thomas Rosica	
Mark Shea	
Antonio Spadaro	
Stephen Walford	
Michael Sean Winters	

Over to you!

Most promising newcomer?

We'll exclude Pope Francis to give everyone else a chance in respect for the office he holds.