This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Thursday, 7 May 2015

A saved person goes to vote

Holy water? Check. 
Rosary? Check. 
Crucifix? Check. 
Missal? Check.
Thurible? Check. 
Right, it's off to the polling station I go.
Addams family

So, guess which one I voted for?

In fact, I got to vote twice today, once in my own right, and once to cast a proxy vote for a family member who had fallen down some stairs and sprained his ankle. He gave me explicit instructions how to vote in both the local and general elections, but he added a request that I adorn his ballot paper with a rude and naughty poem about Ed Miliband. Apparently, this would not invalidate the vote, but I didn't fulfil that request. Maybe that puts me in breach of electoral law? I don't know.

Fr Ted and Nicola Sturgeon

An unfortunate (double) lookalike. Fr Ted and Nicola Sturgeon.

It was a glorious day as I walked along the street to the polling station. I passed a yellow sign telling me to vote Lib Dem, then a red one for Labour, and a blue one for Conservative, and a green one for, er, Green. No UKIP ones, as it happened. Surely they couldn't all be right? No, of course not.

The election literature gave me a clue: "Joan Tharg cooks a delicious baby for her dinner. Fred Barg helps a constituent raise the money to send his granny off on a surprise trip to Dignitas. Alex Warg explains lesbianism to the St Vincent's Primary School Reception Class. Mohammed Xarg raises £5,000 for ISIS." I was beginning to suspect that all my candidates were grossly unsaved.


The "Savedometer" for analysing the swing between saved and unsaved candidates.

In the end I did find one candidate who was slightly saved (let's say, more saved than Professor Tina Beattie but less saved than Bishop Mark Davies), and voted for him. However his leader is definitely a very unsaved person. My only consolation was that my vote could only make a real difference if the majority in my constituency was 0 or 1. But it's not a happy day for a saved person.

As the old story has it, we shall have three possible hymns to choose from tomorrow:

Now thank we all our God.

O God, our help in ages past.

God moves in a mysterious way.


  1. I'm looking forward to voting in the Spanish elections, but if more than 3% of voters spoil their ballot papers, that automatically brings in the generals with tanks.

  2. My right to vote in British elections was taken away from me a long, long time ago and even before that happened, my brother had to vote proxy for me.
    I see that the SNP and also Ukip polled 3 million votes each but the 3 million for the SNP resulted in 56 seats and the 3 million votes for Ukip has resulted in 1 seat.
    I much prefer our preferential system here in Australia. Here the results would have been very different with the 3 million votes for Ukip really counting for a far more significant influence than the virtual disenfranchiesment which has been the result in Britain. You have a lousy system!

  3. Well, we've returned a Catholic as our MP, so there!

    Mind you, the man is also a Conservative in a seat so consistently true-blue, that if Tory HQ put up Grendel's Mother as their candidate, she would be elected.