This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday, 16 June 2015

The Eccles encyclical is leaked

Pope Eccles writes:

I am deeply shocked that the draft text of my new encyclical on the environment, Sanctus Fumus, has been leaked by a consortium of people including Edward Snowden, Julian Assange and Sandro Magister. These people have of course been excommunicated, along with a few other dubious characters I've been waiting to deal with such as Enda Kenny, Timothy Radcliffe and Reinhard Marx.

polluting chimneys

Sanctus Fumus! I reveal that pollution is a BAD THING.

Of course one of the leading causes of global warming is the leaking of encyclicals into the environment, so I hope that the Reverend Magister and friends are deeply ashamed of themselves.

Well, now that I have seen the reaction to my encyclical (or blog post, as I prefer to call it), I have decided to revise it. However, the bit about how popes are always the right people to ask about scientific questions is to be left as it is, and I am definitely keeping the short 500-page discussion of how Pope Urban VIII dealt with "space deniers", such as Galileo, who refused to believe that the Earth orbited round the Moon.

Urban Spaceman

I'm the Urban Spaceman - as my predecessor declared.

Strange name, Urban. It's like being Pope Municipal, or something. But I digress.

Anyway, do wait for the final version of the encyclical before commenting. Apart from the general waffle about climate change, which I've mostly copied-and-pasted from James Delingpole, er, I mean Geoffrey Lean, there's some cracking good stuff about how abortion kills babies, which probably won't be widely reported, as well as some new jokes about people changing low-energy lightbulbs, which Mgr Guido Marini tells me will make my encyclical appeal more to the "yoof" of today. Yo, dudes!

pedal-powered Popemobile

The planet is not saved, only I am saved.


  1. Pope Urban when staying in Castegandolfo would always visit the barber in the piazza outside to get his customary rural-Urban fringe.

  2. I'm positive the Eccles blog is a collaborative effort. No one single person alone by himself (most especially the one pictured up top) could on his own come up with this stuff.

    No way.

    1. Just because I'm handsome, it doesn't mean I can't provide spiritaul nuorishment.

  3. Romans who've seen it all like to say, "After an Urban pope, a Suburban one."

  4. "No one single person alone by himself..."

    Or herself, or itself; not forgetting transgendered, transpecies beings with equal rights, and indeed responsibilities, as seen fit by the committee.

  5. There will be a sequel which will be called "Problema calidum aerem..."