This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday, 22 June 2015

Julia Carpet-Chewer tells the Pope to shut up

Pope Francis's little essay Laudato Si' has received some strange responses, such as an enthusiastic reception by the Hillary Clintons of this world, who didn't spot the attack on abortion. However, the silliest must be Julia Carpet-Chewer's piece in the Telegraph. To save readers from severe brain injury caused by hitting their heads against the wall in reaction to her obsessive drivelling, we will give you a more coherent summary.

Julia Hartley-Brewer

Just do us a hatchet job on Pope Francis, Julia. It doesn't need to make sense!

So, the Pope's written an encyclical on the environment!!?? Most of my readers won't know this, but he the top Catholic, and so some people will be taking his words seriously!! When that's precisely the reason why HE MUST BE WRONG. What's worse, he's dabbling in science, even though he only has an Argentinian Diploma in "Chemistry for Theologians", unlike myself - I've got a Nobel Prize in "Stinks", even though I don't advertise this widely!!


Pope Francis and Mgr Guido Marini. Need I comment??!!

Popes are very bad at science. Benedict XVI told people that having sex with all and sundry might give them AIDS. Whereas everyone knows that the real answer is for men to wear condoms at all times, even when not having sex!! What's more, there was Galileo!! And now me!! For years I've been trying to convince the Pope that the sun shines out of my backside - but he refuses to listen!!

Julia's Law: Catholics don't understand science!! Forget Mendel!! Forget Lemaître!! Forget Lavoisier!! Forget Marconi!! Forget Pasteur!! All idiots!!

But WHAT IS FAR FAR WORSE than the Pope's dabbling in science and claiming that filling the air with poison could be a bad thing - I've been doing it for years without any ill effects - is the Pope's attempt TO DEFINE CATHOLIC MORALITY!! Pass the valium, nurse, I'm about to explode!!

smoke stacks

Be it ever so humble, there's no place like (my) home. Got a problem with that??!!

THE CATHOLIC CHURCH IS WRONG ON EVERYTHING. Murder?? What's wrong with that?? Adultery?? No problems!! Theft?? False Witness?? The Catholic Church is clinging onto viewpoints that are stuck in the Dark Ages and is wrong on every issue!! Faith, Hope and Love?? Arentchasickovem!! Why, if St Paul had been around today he'd have said this:

Now abide these four - gay marriage, women priests, divorce and death - and the greatest of these is death. Whether it's tearing babies to pieces in the womb, or sending your granny on a surprise trip to Dignitas, God wants death every time!

Never mind all that nonsense about the Catholic Church providing schools, hospitals, famine relief programmes, etc. THEY ONLY DO IT TO DRAW ATTENTION AWAY FROM THEIR INNATE EVIL.

Harveys Brewery

Julia Harveys-Brewery

Look, just wait until the Julia Harveys-Brewery encyclical is published, provisionally called "I'm a Loud Hater, See!" I'll soon put the Catholic Church in order!!


  1. You forgot to mention bronze age goatherding

  2. If you think the encyclical is:
    a), the best thing since Augustine's City of God;
    b). the worst thing since Mein Kampf;
    c). a surprising alternative to the Highway Code;
    d). a better read than the Avon catalogue;
    these are normal reactions and you do not need counselling.

  3. Frere Rabit - You forgot Das Kapital, but that is anyway unreadable.

    1. Das Kapital might be a thick boring book but it is not as you suggest "unreadable". Small bits of it have always been provided by dictators, in thin socialist pamphlets, to enable the masses to chant supportive slogans, and quote it against themselves in their heroic admissions of treachery in show trials.

      Prolly not quite as mad as the encyclical, and printed on better paper.

    2. That's more than a bit unfair -- OK it's jolly good and all to poke some fun at the Encyclical, but unnoticed by virtually everyone as far as I can tell, at its very core it's a powerful reaffirmation of the core Traditional Catholic cosmology, which has been sorely lacking in Church teaching since at least the 1930s

      Often, in interventions from our current Pope, much chaff needs to be separated from the wheat -- but his actually doctrinal propositions are surprisingly sturdy (en vue the copious quantities of his chaff).

    3. I understand that Das Kapital's main influence has been to make British Socialists write English as if their native language were German. Having struggled to read it I would class it as less readable than Mein Kampf.

  4. school bully! Probably going to become a Scientologist!

  5. I think that JabbaPappa has a point when he says "Often, in interventions from our current Pope, much chaff needs to be separated from the wheat -- but his actually doctrinal propositions are surprisingly sturdy (en vue the copious quantities of his chaff)."
    The bits I have read of his encyclical about his doctrinal propositions are indeed sounder than I expected. His comments about accepting the reasons for any climate change do not come into that category though.
    As for Julia's comments...well I bet she is a typical woman driver who either drives like a lunatic and expects everyone to get out of her way or she's a painful rabbit who sits in the middle of the road and blocks everyone else.

  6. Is the encyclical inflatable?

  7. The chaff is against the Deposit of the Faith and therefore the whole is corrupted. Public heretics ought to be rejected, not followed.