This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Thursday, 6 September 2012

Joe Biden explains the Catholic Faith

We are indeed honoured today to be granted an interview with Vice President Joe Biden, a leading Catholic thinker.

Gay couple

Joe Biden demonstrates his position on gay marriage

E: Now, Mr Biden, you first came to the attention of the British public over 20 years ago, when you were detected plagiarising a speech of Neil Kinnock. Would you care to comment on that?

JB: Eccles, I wish to totally, utterly, absolutely and unequivocally deny, rebut, refute and contradict your statement. When I was a poor, penniless and deprived boy in the Welsh valleys, being sent down the pit at the age of three, along with my aged, decrepit, feeble and disabled ninety-year-old granny in a wheelchair, I realised that the only way to escape from my chains was...

E: I hate to cut you short there, Mr Biden, but perhaps we could move on to what is surely the cornerstone of your life, the Catholic faith.

Kinnock trips

It's not always a good idea to copy Neil Kinnock.

JB: Yes, as I go along life's road, I always let my love of Jesus and the Catholic faith guide me.

E: So naturally, you oppose abortion, which has been condemned by the Catholic church, and many other Christians, pretty consistently over the last 2000 years?

JB: Well, naturally, except in special circumstances of course. For example, if the mother is pregnant. Then I think you have to allow it.

E: I gather that the church penalty for abortions at any stage of pregnancy is excommunication. Have you in fact been excommunicated?

JB: No, but then you see I've never had an abortion. But I feel that it's my human right to have one, if ever I want one.

E: I heard a rumour that your friend Barack - (checks notes) - ah yes, Obama, is in favour of killing all babies under the age of two and eating them?

JB: No, in fact that was just the view of a Democratic think-tank. Teddie Kennedy suggested drowning babies, but then he thought all problems could be solved by drowning people.

E: Your own view, then?

JB: Theologically, it's very much a grey area. I certainly wouldn't go as far as eating babies.

King Herod

Herod the Great. Didn't go as far as eating babies.

E: Still - correct me if I'm wrong, or even if I'm right - aren't your views on many moral issues in clear contradiction to the views of the Catholic church?

JB: Eccles, I think you have to accept that our views on right and wrong are constantly evolving. Adultery, lying, cheating, etc. - all these used to be condemned as sins, but now Bill Clinton is one of the most respected politicians we have.

E: Vice President Biden, thank you for your moral guidance.

Biden motto

The motto of the Biden family


  1. A great interview with Jim Biddle, Eccles. Personally, I find the US elections totally irrelevant. The up-and-coming great world power is Afghanistan and we are all looking to it as a beacon of democracy, cultural diversity, women´s liberation, and cheap dangerous drugs.

    1. And bacon, don't forget that.
      A beacon of bacon, as it were, (they won't be using it themselves, after all...)

  2. darling eccles, I hope Mr. Midden is enjoying his time on the bus with the magisterium of nuns; it would be good if he could visit Stockport where he would find at least one person who would think him a little conservative xx Jess

  3. I see Molly's teeth have found a new home in bidens mouth. I don't want to think about how they go

  4. they got there...I hate this tablet.

    1. What are you doing reading The Tablet exactly? The only reason it should be read by intelligent Catholics is to find incriminating evidence. And for Rabit bashing.

    2. jadis
      I am delighted to say that the Feedjit is showing Stockport for this visit which is coming to you from a library in Stockport.
      The ipad always says Sheffield.
      How odd is that!

    3. Stalkers give me the creeps.

  5. I guess the medication is working, for now , eh Eccles?

    1. Ullo Bosco dere. Is you still savin poeple?