This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Thursday, 1 August 2013

"I'm a wally" man claims religious privileges

According to press reports, Lukas Novy, from Brno (Czechia) has been given permission to wear a sieve on his head for the picture on his official identity card.

Luka Novy

Luka Novy - wishes to be officially regarded as a wally.

Mr Novy claims to be a member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti-Monster (a Pastafarian), which is an organization of people who believe that lame jokes can be healed, and that dead humour can rise again.

As a registered wally, Mr Novy should not be mocked on the grounds of his sincerely-held beliefs. Eternal life may be beyond him, but there is still some hope that he may one day get a life.

flying spaghetti-monster

This parody was hilarious the first ten times I saw it.

We were privileged to receive a copy of a liturgy from the Church of Clueless Wallies. It begins as follows:

Priest: Look at me, I've got a sieve on my head.
People: And so have we. Tee hee.
Priest: The quality of pasta is not strained.
People: And nor is the flying spaghetti-monster joke.
Priest: At the going down of the sun and in the morning
People: We shall continue to giggle at it. Ho ho.
Priest: For what is man, that Thou art mindful of him?
People: Well, in our case, a complete Dawk-head.
It is believed that the last response was inserted in tribute to Professor Richard Dawkins, who is himself more of an "invisible badger" man, with his recent gnomic utterance "You have zero evidence for your theory that invisible badgers can't fly", considered by great minds to be a devastating justification of the "skyfarian" faith.

Cary Grant

Cary Grant dressed as a badger (for one of my readers, a fan).

Although officially recognised as member of a religion, Pastafarians will be facing other legal difficulties, as they seek equal status with more serious faiths. Will they be allowed to "marry" same-sex couples? Most Pastafarians are adolescent males with acne, who stare at their feet whenever a girl approaches within speaking distance, so this is likely to become a burning issue. However, the future looks good for their church, as younger people are also starting to flock to the faith.

young wallies

Pastafarianism - a good religion for people with a mental age of 3.


  1. Dear Sir,

    Once again I see that you are displaying your typical traddy disdain for ecumenism and cruelly mocking a man with a colander on his head. The fact that you call it a "sieve" simply demonstrates your reckless disregard for the liturgical norms of other denominations.

    I shall be writing to the Pastafarians on behalf of the Catholic Church to apologise for your cruel words.

    Yours in disgust,
    Phil Puffin
    North Tunbridge Wells ACTA

    1. Thanks, Phil. Is dat a Julian colander or a Gregorian colander? And is dere a specail Vatican II colander?

  2. Men with Vatican II colanders on their heads will be replacing the heads of all traddy religious congregations starting with the FFI. Dancing bishop masses will be the new Ordinary Form for praising the Lord.

    ACTA da goat and get in line. The carnival is over.

  3. Colanders,not sieves, please, that is a different, break-of sect which only recognizes sieves with handles. At least try and get your denominations straight, please. There are at least three break-off sects from the colladers; sieves, chinois, and cocktail strainer, which is the most elite group, found only in deep Surrey.

    1. Can anything good come out of Godalming?

      Jn. 1:45

  4. If the colander fits...wear it!

  5. Of course, many modern presbyters don't wear their dog colander these days. And where the rubrics are concerned they have memories like a sieve.