This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 21 August 2013

Cameron consults the comedians

After a memorable pub meeting with Stephen Fry to discuss the burning issue of LBGTOMG rights in Russia, David Cameron has realised that it will be best if all his policies are formulated by comedians from now on.

Don't touch the food - Fry's with everything.

Naturally, "Dave" is in constant touch with many LBGTBLT activists, and he has lost no time in setting up a "war cabinet" to advise him.

"Ern, I'm very worried about Vladimir Putin."

Since the cause of LBGTBBC rights is paramount, it seems that Cameron will be left with no alternative but to declare war on Russia. Luckily, the army is ready to go.

"I assure you, it will all be over by Christmas, Prime Minister."

Meanwhile, the problem of Gibraltar will not go away, and Britain may find itself fighting wars on two fronts simultaneously (that is, excluding Afghanistan, the Vatican, and any other skirmishes we are currently committed to). Luckily, an expert on Spanish affairs is advising the prime minister.

"I will negotiate with Señor Rajoy, Prime Minister."

Finally (and after all, this is primarily a religious blog), Cameron has now explained why he has refused to take any advice from leading religious figures on matters such as same-sex marriage. Apparently, he found it impossible to take Archbishop Nichols seriously, dismissing him as a "mere comedian". Instead, he consulted a highly-respected Irish cleric, but didn't understand the advice he was getting.

"They've mistaken me for Tony Flannery again!"

Following his lengthy exposure to comedians, "Dave" has been trying to relaunch his own double act in the hope of recovering some of his lost popularity; however, it has been generally received with prolonged booing.

Dave cracks a joke, while Nick keeps a straight face.


  1. How come no mention of custurd?
    BTW : I had to explain bits of fawlty towers to the young idea , around 25 nieces, nevvies, etc, in the UK this summer - there are so few of us left.Only Dr who, the mousetrap, and The archers, and coronation street are eternal.

  2. Der Ecles

    U is not Cathlic lite

    only I is Cathlic lite

    1. Tu no es Catolico legero
      Solo yo es Catolico legero,

    2. Tu n'es pas Catho fake

      Moi seul suis Catho fake

    3. BTW, no blog ive seen has the obvious about
      meetin in a boozer calt GRAPES! (they was a bunch of them?)
      sour ?, or wrath of God ? or wholesome in a country better known for dealing justly wi hops n malted barely?
      //Their grapes are grapes of gall// (Deuteronomy 32:32)
      //I (the almighty) expected grapes from them , but got sour pippets//(Isiah)
      Apoc aka revelations
      //18 And another angel came out from the altar, which had power over fire; and cried with a loud cry to him that had the sharp sickle, saying, Thrust in thy sharp sickle, and gather the clusters of the vine of the earth; for her grapes are fully ripe.
      19 And the angel thrust in his sickle into the earth, and gathered the vine of the earth, and cast it into the great winepress of the wrath of God.
      20 And the winepress was trodden Is. 63.3 · Rev. 19.15 without the city, and blood came out of the winepress, even unto the horse bridles, by the space of a thousand and six hundred furlongs.//
      Which of course is kinda arkana for moderns, so howzabout our cousins' balttley ymn?

      "Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord:
      He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored;
      He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword:
      His truth is marching on."
      But that would be bein judgemental, nasty, n stuff like that.
      Praps they was just havin an inconsequential lager shandy , or a "British sherry", or a small glass of parsnip wine, or J's fluid, whatever.

  3. Muy Señor,

    It would be very ironical if a war between Britain and Spain began on a satirical blog run by a supposed "savd pusson", particularly as Señor Rajoy is a great fan of Damian Thompson and frequently enjoys the knockabout on the DT blog posing as Felipe Evans.

    As far as Gibraltar is concerned, we in the True Spanish Falange (Viva Franco, but we should have shot him) think the British should be thrown out tomorrow, You may have stopped the communists but we now have gay marriage and the country is run by poofs, So what was the point of Gibraltar and how did that help us?

    Viva Franco y Jose Antonio!

    Disgusted of Malaga
    (Gracias a nos amigos en Tunbridge Wellies)

  4. Maybe it is a return to former times.

    I mean, the Royal Courts of yore did have their Court Jesters, right…?

    However, being a “fool for Dave” may not equate to St. Paul’s notion of being a “fool for Christ”…

  5. Cameron is a comedian himself telling sick jokes to commons & lords about immigration, gay issues and taxation. He laughs at his own jokes so loud that he slipped a disc on holiday this summer. Most British people do not like his sense of humour & will show this at the next election.

  6. I think the coalition will end after Cameron tried to pull Nick's clegg.

  7. cOALISHions all depend who you kip wiv.

  8. Wouldn't it be easier for everyone if "LBGTOMG" people just replaced "LBGTOMG" with a "?"

    It would save on keystrokes and eliminate the necessity of adding new letters whenever there are new perversions to promote.

    1. LOBOTOMY will probably be the next one Lisa.

  9. I trust Eccles is on vacation - er, retreat.

    Otherwise, why this lacuna of locution and dearth of dissertation?

    Is it a peripeteia – or is Eccles merely being peripatetic…?

    Idle minds want to know!

  10. Hold your nerve and keep an active mind. Cameron's thought police haven't taken the Internet over yet.