This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Friday, 9 August 2013

Jesus never got a Nobel prize

Distinguished theologian Richard Dawkins went on the attack again today, pointing out that, since Jesus never got a Nobel prize, there could be no truth in Christianity.

Nobel prize

Alfred Nobel - an atheist. So that proves it.

"He is called the Prince of Peace," explained Dawkins, "but who do we see in the list of Nobel peace prize winners? Henry Kissinger. Jimmy Carter. Al Gore. Barack Obama. The European Union... But no sign of Jesus or of any Christian churches. The nearest we get is Desmond Tutu, who recently chose to go to Hell. Not that Hell exists of course."

"Then again, Christ was said to be able to heal the sick. But did He ever get a Nobel prize for it? No! That proves the Bible is wrong from beginning to end," continued Dawkins.

Sir John Eccles

Sir John Eccles, Nobel prize for medicine/physiology (1963).

Christian leaders were quick to respond, pointing out that nobody called Dawkins had ever won a Nobel prize, and statistically one would have expected more people called Richard to have collected the prestigious gong. But Dawkins had one final shot in his locker.

"It's true that many Nobel prizes have gone to the College of the Most Holy and Undivided Trinity in the Town and University of Cambridge," he said, "but I expect that this year's prizes will mostly go to an even more prestigious institution, the New College of the Humanities, set up by Anthony Grayling, at which I lecture on memes, genes, gnomes and moans."


"The Mass is ended. Now f*** off."

Meanwhile, the "Rev." Alice Goodman, a lady vicar who drives around in a car with the obscene slogan "wtfwjd" on the back - note that the Lord's Name doesn't even get a capital letter - was unrepentant when someone finally complained. "My ****** knows I have the ******* on my ***, and has no difficulty with it, and I have had the former ********** of Canterbury in my car, Rowan Williams, and he didn't ***** an eyebrow," she explained. "Now **** off, in the Name of the Lord, my son."

Rowan Williams

Lord Williams of Oystermouth, who met Lady Goodman of Pottymouth.


  1. Jesus did receive the Roman Cross however which is a far more prestigious award...

  2. Well, Jesus didn't get a degree from Oxbridge either, so I guess He wouldn't be welcome in some circles.

    Oh right, He isn't welcome in those circles anyway...

  3. Jesus is also a member of The Blessed Trinity (Camb) which is very high up; in fact supremely high up! And he won the Messiah nomination & a special Caesar award.

  4. I couldn't believe that Alice Goodman woman had that slogan on her car but I just googled it and it's true :o