This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday, 1 July 2013

Dawkins founds a monastery

Ever-anxious to show that he can do all the things Christians do - only better - Professor Richard Dawkins announced today the foundation of the Monastery of the Selfish Gene, of which he would be the first Abbot.

Father Richard

Father Richard and, er, Brother Richard in the monastery.

The press agent for the M.S.G. has put together a list of Frequently Asked Questions for those interested in becoming atheist monks.

Q: Do I have to take vows of poverty, chastity or obedience?

A: No, nothing like that. If you want to write best-selling books or go round the world on well-paid lecture tours, that's just fine (but give some of the proceeds to Fr Richard!) Chastity is also a no-no. Let those selfish genes of yours travel! But we do demand obedience, and indeed outright sycophancy, to Fr Richard.

The Dawkins Delusion

We've already expelled one monk for reading this behind the bike-sheds.

Q: What do you do all day long?

A: There are regular services of worship:

Leuds, where we make smutty jokes about God; 
Matings, where we share our genes with the Little Sisters of 
St Polly next door;
Meme, where we use Richard's Holy Word "Meme" in as many 
inappropriate contexts as possible;
Nones, Terce, Vespers... haven't got these worked out yet but 
probably they'll involve singing praises to Fr Richard;
Complain, where we grumble about God.
Apart from that we have lectures on theology from Fr Richard, who has been urgently googling Aquastine and Aguinas (I hope we've got those names right!) as well as St Paul's Letter to the Delusions.

Q: Do you run hospitals and schools, or do other works of charity?

A: No... there's a limit to how much we can imitate those Christians you know! Still, some people have said that we should turn ourselves into a hospital for the incurably insane. We may yet do this!


Sister Lalla demonstrates the traditional art of carpet-biting.

Q: How about a vow of silence?

A: Ha ha ha! No, Richard is dead against that one. But you'd be surprised how many people have suggested it to him.


  1. Press agent for M.S.G. Does MonoSodium Glutamate really need a press agent?

  2. Nones (O.E.) - plural of nuns: your idea is as good as mine; Terce (actually cleverly disguised ref to betting French style - Tierce) and Vespers - Tin Style - Tin Vespers is an earnest collaboration comprised of five musicians who wish to be storytellers on the stranger shore of folk music.

  3. I was wondering whether vespers had something to do with an Italian Scooter

  4. Nones-for the celebration if nihilism.

    Terse and Vapours-where Fr Richard meets the public, and his voice becomes increasingly shrill.

    Hope that helps.

    1. Thanks, I knew my loyall reeders would be able to help Fr Richard.

  5. I expect it will be as successful as his £18k per annum university, then.