This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 7 November 2012

Religious news

I'm a heretic...

A new series of the television series I'm a heretic, get me out of here! is just starting. It will be hosted as usual by those lovable churchmen Cantoris and Decani (Cant and Dec), and the line-up this year includes the great Hans Küng and Professor Tina Beattie.

Sister Nadine

Sister Nadine of the Nuns of St Omnibus.

Cant and Dec explained to us that the contestants would undertake various challenging tasks, which would include swallowing disgusting things - such as Tina Beattie's religious writings - and carving a termite mound into the likeness of a famous theologian.

Hans Kung statue

A termite mound carved into a statue of Hans Küng.

We asked whether the contestants would get Sundays off in order to attend Mass, and Cant and Dec merely responded with hysterical laughter. Now why should that be?

Father Dunn dies.

Fr Dunn

Fr Dunn, with companion.

The death is announced of Father "Grandad" Dunn, at the age of 92. Fr Dunn was a member of the religious organization Exercitus Patri, which flourished in the 1970s. He is fondly remember for his sermons on the subjects, Panic ye not, panic ye not, my people, O Lord, grant me permission to speak, and The ungodly one liketh not a smiting from below. RIP.

Oil tycoon to run Church of England?

Meanwhile, speculation is mounting that the Bishop of Durham, Justin Welby, a former oil tycoon, will be appointed as the next Archbishop of Canterbury.

On the side of the angels

Justin Welby - on the side of the angels.

Welby is the author of many well-regarded theological books, such as Holy Unction - why don't we use more oil? and Natural gas and gaiters. However, his enemies describe him as "a boring man."


The See of Canterbury (if he gets it) will give Welby a new platform for his views.


  1. I would have placed my bet on a termite mound carved into a statue of Hans Kung, but unfortunately Ladbrokes have closed the book on the Archbishop of Canterbury.

  2. Not a saved parson8 November 2012 at 00:47

    Fr Dunn will be remembered for that wonderful hymm - which I hope will be sung this Sunday at all Masses in his memory:

    "Granddad, granddad, you're wealthy...
    That's what we all think of you."

  3. And Fr Dunn will also be remembered as the composer of that beautiful hymn: "They don't like it up 'em Lord"

    1. Yup. De traditoinal wordin is "The ungodly one liketh not a smiting from below."

  4. Sister nadine's nursing skills may come in handy, given the advanced age of her fellow nuns. How will they take to wearing uniforms? Will they eat wichity grubs on a Friday? Are they bringing their chaplain Fr Arfur?