This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday, 12 November 2012

Damian Thompson exercises the right of reply

Damian and his fan club

Damian Thompson, posing with a group of his most loyal readers.

I have always regarded Eccles as one of the most valued commentators on my Telegraph blog: his comments, made from the perspective of a truly saved person, have invariably been incisive and witty, and it was a great loss to all of us when he left the "Holy Smoke" community and decided to concentrate on his own blog.


Eccles - a man with very good hair.

Of course I do have one or two other brilliant commentators, with whom I engage regularly on my blog. For example, there is Eccles's Auntie Moly or "molybdenite," who may be a senile gin-soaked old thug, but who is nonetheless always ready to insult people in a way that I can only dream of emulating. Another person whose comments I appreciate is "Sister Muriel," from the church of St Daryl the Apostate down in the southwest, who tells me he is "a priest in good standing, sweetie."

But I digress. Eccles and I have shared many good times together, and I am very grateful to him for giving some publicity to the new hair salon that I have just opened. Here clients can get a truly Catholic haircut while listening to the sound of Gladys Mills playing Bach's Well-tempered Clavier.

Damian's hair salon

My new hair salon

One question that I don't have the space to answer today is: "How on earth did a brilliant journalist like Cristina Odone, The John Humphrys of the Telegraph blogs as she calls herself, ever condescend to join my team?" Eccles describes her as "Damian's cook," and it is true that I rely on her for my morning cupcakes, but she is also a brilliant interrogator, one who does not hesitate to shout abuse at Chris Patten when we hear his voice on the Today Programme.

Eccles does not seem to have fully explained my relations with the "Magic Circle" of bishops which constitutes the main Vaticosceptic opposition to Pope Benedict XVI in this country. He seems to believe that I am in some ways less than totally enthusiastic about Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O'Connor. Well, this is not the case - I regard Cormac as a mentor, and as one of my closest friends.

Happy birthday dear Damian

The Cormac Singers performing Happy Birthday in my honour.

Indeed, at present I am rather worried because the Pope has sent Cormac off to Bangladesh as his special envoy - an arduous trip for an 80-year-old man, which will involve his sleeping in a snake-infested mangrove swamp and living on a diet of frogs and insects. If he survives this, the Holy Father is next proposing to send Cormac as special envoy to the South Pole in his unique Mission to the Penguins.


It's all right, Cardinal, I don't eat meat on Fridays.

Apart from that, Eccles's blog seems to be 100% accurate. As he claims, he is still staying with his aunt as my guest at Castle Thompson, and he really is one of my closest friends: I certainly would not be able to write my weekly Telegraph column without his invaluable ideas.


Thanks to Eccles, I am not unknown in Latin-speaking circles!


  1. Ullo, Eccles, wot a nice blogg post dis is, wot a pitty dat nobody got any comments.

    1. Dear Sir,

      I hate everything about you traditional non-poof Catholics and I have a wastepaper bin on my head, so you cannot get me banned from DT's blogue.


  2. Oh dear, Eccles. Here's one.

  3. Here's another one...

  4. If Damian continues to appear in pictures looking so spookily unlined and freshfaced, we shall have to rechristen him "Dorian". I am glad to hear that he is still enjoying Anti Moly's stay at Thompson Towers, Who was it said that houseguests were like fish - they begin to stink after three days? He is a truly christian gentleman.

  5. Dear Sir,

    I am once again compelled to write in and complain about your disgraceful blogue. The fourth personality from the left in the photo of the Cormac Singers is obviously Jonathan Rabbit, the well known sockpuppet from Golders Green. I think it-s disgraceful that someone who is paid to be the Leader of the country's Jews should go off for six months to take part in "I'm a Religious Celebrity, Get me Out of Here". Cooking ostrich bollocks on the Sabbath is not only in bad taste but against union rules.

  6. Not a saved parson15 November 2012 at 00:48

    Given that nobody reads the comments on 50 Shades of Dorian's blog any more I had thought it might be a more fitting tribute not to comment here. But in the end I couldn't resist an inane comment.