This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday 11 May 2015

Giles Fraser condemns the Re-election of Jesus

Palestine, 33 AD.

Gi-les Fra-ser, a Sadducee scribe, has expressed himself extremely dissatisfied with the recent surprising Re-election of Jesus of Nazareth.

Mad Charlotte Church

The Church of Charlotte was also dissatisfied.

Dr Fra-ser, known for his regular Take no thought for tomorrow slot for the Roman Empire Broadcasting Company, was writing his "Lost Canon" piece for the Guardian's The comments will make you free section. He pointed out that there had been three candidates for Re-election, namely, Jesus, Ed Dismas the Good Thief, and Nick Gestas the Bad Thief. (There were also candidates with less potential for salvation, such as Judas Isgalloway.)

Two Milibands

Dismas's brother demonstrates the Vulcan death grip.

It is thought that Dr Fra-ser was first disillusioned with Jesus when he came across His views on marriage: apparently, it was the bigoted "one man and one woman" model that he found unacceptable. Weeping copiously, Dr Fra-ser wrote how he was ashamed to be a citizen of the Roman Empire, and that he felt that the democratic system had failed the most vulnerable in society. He thought that God had got it wrong ("as He so often does"), and that the highly eccentric Russell Barabbas might have been right after all, when he told people to support nobody at all Ed Dismas, the Judaean People's Front.

A powerful message from Russell Barabbas.

Jesus, is of course associated with food banks (5000 hungry people were clamouring for a free meal at one point), and a somewhat hit-and-miss attitude to health care, as Lazarus and Jairus's daughter could testify. However, it seems that He has now been Re-elected for a long period, and it is not clear how Fra-ser proposes to resist his authority. Meanwhile, he admits, "I'm very Sadducee."

13 comments:

  1. On a happier note - Simon the Zealot has been re-elected unopposed, and it is hoped (unless he reverts to his stated plan to go fishing with Peter) he will lead the campaign to opt out of the Roman Empire, and back into the Phoenician Free Trade Association.

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  2. Meanwhile Nigel Barabbas after his sensational failure to be crucified expressed relief that he could now give up the role of false Messiah which he'd undertaken for 21 years without a break.But on the third day his career was resurrected by popular demand..

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  3. Ah, the well-upholstered and in a couple of respects blessed Charlotte. As someone on Breitbart commented the other day: "Voice of an angel; brain of a pigeon."

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  4. Here in Australia the government allocated $4 million to set up a Centre for Excellence in Ideas with Bjorn Lomborg in residence. After the howls from the Student Union and other "academics" the Vice-Chancellor Paul Johnson rejected the setting up of this Centre because he claimed that no other "academics" would work with Professor Lomborg because of his stated claim that the science of Climate Change is not settled and neither is its economic benefits.

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  5. "Romanes eunt domus" - that's three grammatical errors in three words, assuming that the writer meant an exhortation: "Romans go home!"

    God help you if Fr Hunwicke reads this blog.

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    Replies
    1. As a saved person, Charles - you may not be aware that this references one of the few genuinely witty scenes in an otherwise tasteless film by "Monty Python" called "Life of Brian"

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    2. Thank you, Jadis. Sadly, saved or not, I never managed to sit for long through Life of Brian before losing patience. It reminded me too much of The Magic Christian, an earlier and even less tasteful exercise in the "look how stupid and greedy everyone is except me & my friends" genre.

      Anyway, Benny Hill did the Romans Go Home joke even earlier than Monty Python.

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    3. I too confess that I have never seen "The Life of Brian" neither have I ever watched any episode of "Father Ted". And, I'm not too fond of "Fawlty Towers" either. They all make me squirm. Slapstick has never been my "thing".

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    4. No danger of any slapstick here, bruvver Jaray, this is a site for spiritaul nuorishment only.

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    5. I am indeed grapefruit for that assurance Bruvver Eccles.

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  6. I have arrived rather late to comment here due to a busy week preparing students for increasingly mad exams set by anarchic exam boards running riot. I just wish the Romans were running everything: life would involve: (a) simpler paperwork; (b) proper education; and (c) more bishops like the disgraceful Cardinal Knickers being eaten by lions.

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  7. @JARay: Now, I like Father Ted. I agree with you there is a lot of very silly slapstick and mugging therein, but if you can get past that, there are plenty of sharp, funny comments on Catholic foibles (for want of a better word) and also some splendid Goon-type setups. I treasure the inexplicably multiplying rabbits in one episode, for example, wordless comedy excellently done.

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  8. Phyllis Stein apparently donated considerable resources to this election debacle.

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