This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday 31 December 2012

Religious predictions for 2013

January. Paul Inwood complains of the repetitiveness of so many traditional Christmas carols, objecting that he was asked to sing "Oh come let us adore him" three times in each verse of Oh come all ye faithful.

February. The Editor of the National Catholic Reporter resigns in disgrace, and the position is offered to Fr John Zuhlsdorf. However, Fr Z declines, as he has just been appointed Bishop of the Blogosphere.

Bishop Z

Episcopus Blogospherae.

March. Justin Welby is enthroned as the new Archbishop of Canterbury. In a moving sermon he pays tribute to the National Health Service, to his predecessor (Baron Waffles of Mumbles) and to his trade union, the National Union of BIshops and LEaders (NUBILE). As an afterthought he mentions God.

April. Tina Beattie holds a grand birthday party, and invites the Pope, Bishop Declan Lang, President Mary Lyons of San Diego, Charles Moore, and James MacMillan. They all accept with enthusiasm. Two days before the party is due to take place, Prof. Beattie cancels all the invitations, saying "fooled you!"

May. The Tablet conducts another survey, asking readers which of the "eight commandments" they think is most relevant to the present day. After it is tactfully pointed out that the canonical number of commandments is ten, Catherine Pepinster withdraws the survey, replacing it with one in which she asks people "How many of the six persons of the Trinity can you name?"

Moses

Moses - a Tablet reader.

June. Giles Fraser fulfils his heart's desire on being sent to prison for conducting a marriage ceremony involving three men and an elephant.

July. World Youth Day, Rio de Janeiro. The Pope is involved in an embarrassing situation, when the security guards refuse to admit him, saying that he "looks at least 30." Luckily, he gets in using a Vatican Young Person's Rail Card.

Young Ratzinger

The Pope - looking more youthful every year.

August. It is revealed that Mrs Gladys Mills was a pious Catholic and the grandmother of Damian Thompson. In his new biography Granny Gladys, Damian reveals how he used to go round to her house for cupcakes and a recital of Rachmaninov's latest hits.

September. Richard Dawkins abandons work on his latest theological treatise, 101 ways to kill a Catholic, and comments, "You know, maybe they have a point after all."

October. The Church of England holds another synod. David Cameron posts armed guards outside the doors, and says that nobody will be allowed to leave until they have voted to ordain women bishops. He later denies trying to interfere with the religious freedom of the Church of England.

Synod

Did anyone bring some sandwiches?

November. The Year of Faith comes to an end. Liberal Catholics say they found the whole idea too controversial, and propose a Year of Doubt instead.

December. The second film in the Hobbit trilogy (based on books by that woeful traddy Catholic J.R.R. Tolkien) is released. In a surprise move, it is revealed that Stephen Fry is now taking the part of Smug the great Drag.

18 comments:

  1. My prediction is that deacons will be finally allowed full membership of the Confraternity of Catholic Clergy, as long as they wear this special biretta to all convocations.

    http://www3.images.coolspotters.com/photos/126740/mickey-mouse-ears-hat-profile.jpg

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  2. Well spotted Frere, it was deliberate that I wore it the wrong way to see if any intolerant, right wing tradanista noticed.

    My prediction for 2013 is that unchristian snides will still be making nameless faceless accounts and blogs to have a cowardly spineless pop at people they don't have the nerve to face out.

    Do enjoy 2013, God bless

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  3. Oh by the way Frere, you were the only one to notice other than the Christian gentleman (look it up) who gave it to me.

    The photo has now be changed.

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  4. No deacons were harmed in the writing of this blost.

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    Replies
    1. Dear me! Was it something I said? There is one thing worse than men flouncing, and that is men flouncing in a badly worn biretta.

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  5. Oh I do love a good flounce, showing my face and proclaiming my name in an uncowardly way as I go.

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  6. James Bond wear his biretta in a manly fashion and never flounces - perhaps that is why he is not a Caflick Deacon? xx Jess

    p.s. Happy New Year Eccles and Mr Rabit and all the gallant click - I gave you a big 'fank you' at my place xx

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Jess, I has left a note at your plaice too.

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  7. Should that be 'clique' Jess? Eccles and Frere are not gallant, they're like the lion and the scarecrow in The Wizard Of Oz, I suppose that makes you Dorothy, and I can clearly see they are friends of yours.

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  8. Should that be 'clique' Jess? Eccles and Frere are not gallant, they're like the lion and the scarecrow in The Wizard Of Oz, I suppose that makes you Dorothy, and I can clearly see they are friends of yours.

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  9. Thanks, Liusa, and best wishes to all readers, even dem wot hates me.

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  10. Thanks, Ecclies, and the same to you! It looks like your new fan has arrived with an agenda. He reminds me of someone, you know. I wonder if he is in good standing...?

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  11. Happy new year to all the regulars on this, the coolest blog in the Catholic blogosphere. Special thanks must go to Deacon Flavin for deputising for St Bosco at short notice. My spies in Idaho tell me that he will be back as soon as he can retrieve the key to unlock his Mayan fallout shelter.

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  12. Wot ????

    No Second Coming ?

    No Rapture ?

    I want my money back !!!!

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  13. Happy New Year, Eccles!

    Despite your distaste for the slavering pursuit of blog awards by certain bloggers (you know who you are!) I predict that this blog will continue to be a shining light in the blogsphere for its eyerony, youmor and eroodishun – and may even result in saving some possums.

    Kepp oop the gud wark!

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  14. Bruvver, Thanks for bein here for us; insrpin us, and tellin us stuff so we don't get in danger of gettin unsaved. My revolution is to ofissaly join your savin club. And my 2013 prediction is the Pope's gonna say alot of stuff. I hope evewybody haves a weal Goot New Yeaw.

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