This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Friday, 26 April 2013

Vinston Nichill to appear on £5 note

The Bank of England has announced that Archbishop Vinston Nichill of Westminster, who led England and Wales to victory against the forces of modernism and secularism during the dark days of 2013, is to appear on the new £5 note.

Vincent Nichols fiver

"I have nothing to offer..."

Sir Mervyn King, governor of the Bank, announced the plan today. From 2016, Nichill will be portrayed on the £5 note along with a picture of Westminster, the scene of so many of his triumphs.

It is expected that people will soon start to refer to the £5 note as "Nichols," which is, curiously, how Americans refer to their 5-cent coin. It is believed that the two will soon be worth roughly the same.

Mervyn King went on to hint that other church leaders may feature on future banknotes. "Welby, Sacks, ... why even Kieran Conry or Giles Fraser could be chosen!" he quipped.

Vinston Nichill himself received the news humbly: "In the battle for a red hat, this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning."

Warwick Street

Happy citizens in Warwick Street, the scene of one of Vinston's greatest triumphs.


  1. hey bruvver, can you spare a nickol? xx Jess

  2. Wirral are we withering, one wonders?

  3. Lay off Wirral! We don't want any Nichills here!


  4. Until ++Vin is featured on the Vatican Euro, I think a Red Hat is not in the cards.

    Of course, Pope Francis may decide to convert Vatican currency to the Peso. As the Argentine peso is worth about $0.193252, appearing on it might not rise to Red Hat level.

    Perhaps a poppy as consolation prize? I mean, at least it’s red…

  5. Vincent Nichols, provides all of your of your five-a-day.

    (Moral fibre content unknown).